OCC Television Coverage: TNA iMPACT Live Blogging 10/12/2006

Welcome to OCC coverage of the show I watch because there is no football on.

This is TNA or something, I think it has to do with wrestling.

Recap of the happenings from last week, you know because they're so memorable we forgot them less than a week later.

All those highlights and the only thing they pimp is the Angle's interview.

Jarrett says something to Borash but it was too short for me to notice while typing that's my bad.

Regular opening!!


If I started a drinking game where you would take a shot every time they called BFG the biggest PPV in TNA history we'd all die of Alcohol poisoning before the end of the first half hour.

• Samoa Joe is in the ring, Tenay can't wait to hear what he has to say. I don't think he'll have to.
  
  Samoa Joe brings up Jackass, I hear that's a bad word around TNA.
  
  The real question is why does Samoa Joe have the NWA title? I think the real question is why isn't he the champion already?
  
  Joe calls everyone who has held the belt in the TNA era a paper champion. I think I could take a title from a paper champion just so long as I didn't suffer a paper cut.
  
  Joe name drops Dory Funk and Harley Race. Well David Arqette and Vince Russo were never NWA champions, but why no Steve Carino references?
  
  Samoa Joe agrees to give the title to the winner at BFG in exchange for a title shot. I believe that's extortion, he should be arrested!!!
  
  Here comes Christian Cage. Cage says he was standing in the back minding his own business, couldn't he find a chair? I need to know these things.
  
  Christian is bothered by the paper champion comment and hopes Joe wasn't talking about him. It turns out that he was, after Jeff Jarrett.
  
  Christian says Joe has beaten everyone but 1 is missing from his list. Its Lance Hoyt isn't it? Yeah, I don't think he's beaten Hoyt. Why Christian would make this statement I don't know.
  
  Christian has decided he's going to take his title back tonight. I think we're witnessing a wrestling first, TNA is booking a match for the title wherein neither man in the match is champion and the belt isn't vacant.
  
  Christian declares he wants no referees, no rules, he doesn't want a fight and its not about winning or losing its just about the title. Then he says it will be a ladder match and runs down the rules. Jesus, even a match with no rules in TNA is complicated with all sorts of rules. I love this company!
  
  
• Borash is with LAX who are looking for AJ and Daniels, well at least Konnan is. AJ and Daniels make it easy for them by kicking off a brawl. Hey this looks like a fun brawl, its a good thing we're going to a:
  
  Commercial Break!!!
  That opening segment was better than a lot of stuff on this show since it has been on the air. But, I really do think its funny that Christian wanted a fight with no rules and then listed off a bunch of rules for their fight in the very next sentence. Sometimes, people wonder where I get all the jokes, and I just have to say that in TNA's case they write themselves a lot. That fact is also why I enjoy recapping this more than Raw or ECW or Smackdown.
  
  This Dell commercial looks way too good to be true. Like a computer problem could ever be fixed that quickly and like tech people are ever as helpful as in that commercial.
  
  Oh yeah, we're back and the brawl has gone into the arena. Tenay calls this a preview of BFG without the 6 sides of steel, well er...uh...no because see that makes a big difference although with a TNA cage match you never know they could decide that rule 1023458 is that you don't actually need the cage for the cage match. Moody Jack gets vacation time?
  
  Tenay just asked West if he saw what just happened. I'd hope he did since he just commented on it, although perhaps Don has decided that it is easier to understand TNA if you comment on it without watching it. I mean you're watching the show and all of a sudden 8 stipulations come flying out of no where and you end up bewildered.
  
  
• Ron Killings says you can get with this or you can get with that because Sting is where its at, what's up? Rhino complains that they even asked him about Sting and Jarrett. Rhino and I agree on something.
  
  Commercial Break!!!
  The Marine, not sure who's in it but I think he's a male.
  
  A very stupid antidrug commercial aired, kind of reminds me of those antidrug ads on Eyada.com during observer Live from back in the day.
  
  Dead rising commercial. Wade really likes this game for those of you who care about what Wade likes, and if you are one of those people may I suggest:
  
  1. You stop reading this report because he didn't write it.
     
  2. You find a better role model, start with anyone else in the world. If you think that's cruel just ask Wade what he thinks of himself.
  
  
  Sting DVD commercial, he apparently owed money to people in the beginning and Big Louie demanded he get paid.
  
  
• Bobby Roode is with all of the managers that courted him. He says we have to wait until BFG to find out who he picked. No, you don't, its Traci Brooks. Oops, the proceeding was a spoiler, if you didn't want to know you shouldn't have read it. Not my fault!
Senshi, Alex Shelley & Johnny Devine (Paparazzi) and Petey Williams Vs. Chris Sabin Sonjay Dutt Jay Lethal and Shark Boy
Jerry Lynn says the fans think the faces are Jackasses. Smart fans they have. Sabin called Lynn and old man.

Hey, its a random wacky multi-man tag match. Well, this officially means I am watching iMPACT, I was confused there for a minute.

Holy Shit, BFG is brought to us by Mortal Kombat? I don't know what to do with this news, but lets just hope TNA doesn't decide to make a Sub-0 clone. No wait, that would draw money I can't believe a promotion ever thought of that one before?

Tenay says we'll hear from Nash after this match. I can't wait, actually that's not true, I can.

25 minutes into the show they dedicate it to Antonio PENA or however you spell it. They may have wanted to do this before the show started.

Now they plug the move to Prime Time. I'm not sure what broadcasting from Elix Skipper will do for the promotion but they seem to be excited about it.

We will hear from Sting and Kurt Angle later. I wonder which one of them will bash Vince McMahon?

All 8 men in the 6 sided ring, memo to TNA I hate algebra, just saying.

Sabin, Lethal, Dutt and Boy win.

Hey, TNA the X-title match hasn't got a stip yet you might want to work on that.


• Nash interview. He's been gone for 2 short months, yeah they were too short.
  Nash is funny claiming to be an X-pioneer. Nash will announce the details of a Gauntlet X-division battle royal next week at a dreaded TNA press conference, oh I can't wait!
  
  
• Christian and AJ Styles give thoughts on the main event to BFG.
  
  Commercial Break!
  
  I have exclusive rules for the X-gauntlet battle royal Nash is putting together. You know, I'm glad TNA is doing this because it has been a long time since we've had a battle royal on PPV and I thought BFG was light on gimmick matches so its good they finally added one.
  
  Now, the rules:
  
  1. each participant is given a pair of dice, these dice do nothing.
     
  2. The Ultimate X structure is set up, and standard Ultimate X rules apply.
     
  3. The object hanging from the X is a magic key.
     
  4. The key does nothing.
     
  5. To eliminate an opponent he must land both ass and face first on the floor at the same time if either hits before the other he is still alive.
     
  6. Upon passing go, personalities will be handed out to each wrestler.
     
  7. Go does not exist.
     
  8. You must answer the question, if a complicated battle royal happens in the middle of Detroit and nobody cares, why are we not surprised?
  
  
  
• Another Sting video airs with Biblical Quotes. I think they're trying to say that Sting is Jesus or something.
• Diamonds in the Rough Vs. Lance Hoyt and Ron Killings.
• Tenay asks how important the BFG main event is? Well, he must not be listening to all of his own hype then if he has to ask.
  
  Don West hypes the Sting DVD as opposed to like the match in the ring. I don't even want to bother to ask why these two teams are even wrestling because it doesn't matter....Oh, now I see why they're wrestling, so we could go backstage for a Raven promo.
  
  Now we talk about Samoa Joe as 4 guys take up space in the ring.
  
  Now we're talking about the move to Prime Time. Elix Skipper who is known as Prime Time is in the ring and they don't point out the obvious coincidence. I swear I should run this company, of course I've always sworn that.
  
  Now they're doing something strange, they're like talking about the match in the ring.
  
  Winner: Killings and Hoyt.
  
  Simon Diamond isn't happy with the loss of his team. Yeah, well being a Notre Dame fan I'd think he'd be used to it by now. He tosses Skipper his jacket.
  
  Ron Killings senses that Elix needs a hug so he gives him one whether or not that's what Skipper actually wants. Good thing for Elix that Killings didn't sense he wanted a blowjob or something.
  
  
• Shane Douglas and the James Gang talk about the BFG main event. So Tenay, its important enough that other people are willing to comment on it, hey just answering his question from earlier. I'm helpful like that. B.G. James appears to be upset about something. Perhaps its that he's tired of being trapped in a perpetual 1998?
  
  Commercial Break!!!
  Mortal Kombat is sponsoring BFG, wonder how much TNA paid Midway for the sponsorship rights?
  
  Oh yeah, they've been playing clips of the Angle interview all night. I say this because TNA has only pimped this 228978578346000 times and that may not be enough for people to understand.
  
  Bound for Glory commercial, not sure what that is. Maybe I'll find out next week.
  
  
• Kurt Angle interview.
  His dream was to win an Olympic gold medal. He then went to pro wrestling and someone said he wasn't special anymore after winning a bunch of stuff. He says he wanted to come to TNA because its on the rise.
  
  TNA guys have the eye of the Tiger. This must mean they all have Rocky on DVD.
  
  Kurt talks about his addiction and his family being more important than wrestling. Then why continue to wrestle?
  
  Angle tells Vince to watch what he does, because we ain't seen nothing yet. That's what I'm afraid of.
  
  Well, he didn't go as hard after Vince McMahon as what I was led to believe.
• Christian Vs. Samoa Joe in "A non-sanctioned ladder fight".
  
  I love this company some times, I have no idea what the term "non-sanctioned ladder fight" means but it just sounds like a mass of confusion and confusion brings ratings that's why TNA is more popular than Monday Night Football.
  
  Ok, so this isn't a match its just a ladder challenge with a lot of rules. That makes as much sense as anything else on this show.
  
  You know I've got to go back to Angle for a second, he said a lot of things in that interview but saying them doesn't make them true. I'll prove it:
  
  "Tonight, I Casey Trowbridge will have sex with 10 beautiful women."
  
  See, I said it but its not true...
  
  ...
  
  ...
  
  ...
  
  The real number is 20. So see, don't be fooled by people's words.
  
  Hey, there's a commercial break in the middle of this ladder fight, I didn't hear Christian say that was allowed under the rules.
  
  I can just imagine Christian going before The Florida State athletic commission and asking them to not sanction a ladder match with no rules, but that had rules. Sometimes, I imagine strange things, I'm just saying is all.
  
  BTW, I am pleased to announce that TNA is creating a new division. It contains Gail Kim and myself and is called the Sex division. You won't see this on TV, but you have to take my word on this as being true. See, I told you I imagine strange things. I will now wait here patiently as you burn your eyes for having read this paragraph, take your time I'll be here.
  
  TNA is back!!!
  
  Apparently the world title is not on the line in this non-sanctioned ladder match that isn't really a match. Its not a wrestling match but there are wrestling moves being executed. I'd just like to say that I completely understand this situation, its not true, but I'd just like to say it.
  
  Apparently Samoa Joe just scored 3 points according to Tenay. Oh great there's a freaking scoring system in this thing now? Why wasn't I told this in advance. Apparently, scoring those 3 points also rung Christian's bell so I get it this is like a carnival game or something. I think that means its fixed.
  
  Yup, its a carnival game because West just announced that Christian just made Samoa Joe pay. Yeah, no comps here!!! This is TNA we're too good to give anything away for free. Among things we do not give away for free are the first altercation between 2 undefeated wrestlers in TNA, and admission to our TV tapings. You want those things for free you'll have to try another company.
  
  Joe hits the musclebuster in a non-wrestling match.
  
  Apparently, Abyss has decided that he wants in the challenge. However, Runt and Raven have a problem with this for some reason that will probably be explained 3 weeks from now or was explained 3 weeks ago.
  
  The crowd is chanting TNA as like 500 guys are at ringside fighting now. This non-wrestling match looks a lot like your typical wrestling match on iMPACT I don't know why that is though.
  
  Because enough people weren't out at ringside, Rhino came out. Good thing he did, I was almost able to identify everyone that was out at the ring.
  
  West tells us to vote for Gore Gore Gore! Though I don't think he's on the ballot.
  
  Tenay helpfully points out that they are not in Detroit but in Orlando. I guess that means that streetfight rules were not in affect for when Rhino attacked Christian.
  
  TNA is really easy to understand if you've got a team of experts and a good spread sheet program.
  
  Samoa Joe recaptures the belt that isn't his and his music plays to end the match that wasn't a match because it had no rules accept for the ones that determined who won the non-match. Got it all? Good deal.

My thoughts: I've seen way worse episodes of iMPACT than this. I've blogged worse episodes than this, 2 weeks ago immediately springs to mind.
Hey, this show is notable for 1 reason, Jeff Jarrett only had 1 on-screen appearance. Realizing this as I now have, this is the greatest wrestling show in the history of the Universe, provided that the Universe we are talking about has only existed for today.