12/1/05: BATTLE OF THE BLANDS~!

By Art Shimko
schlocknhyperbole@verizon.net
schlocknhyperbole.blogspot.com

While many families were feasting on Thanksgiving Day in Baltimore, there was a scuffle between a group of guys who play instruments named 311 and a guy named Scott Stapp who sang for some band named Creed. According to reports, 311 drummer Chad Sexton said that the band was in town for a concert in over weekend and bumped into Stapp at the Harbor Court Hotel where both parties were staying at and there didn't seem to be a problem at that moment. Then later in the evening, Stapp walked into the hotel bar where 311 members SA Martinez and P-Nut (yes that's his "name") were watching basketball on TV, suddenly Stapp walks in front of the TV blocking the screen and says "311, I am ready fight" in probably the WHITEST~! most robotic tone of voice I could imagine... how about "I KICKING YOUR FUCKING ASSES~!!!" or "YOU TWO ARE FUCKING DEAD!!!~!" C'mon, you're supposed to a fucking "rock star" dude, stop acting like a pussy for Christ's sake! "311, I am ready fight", imagine Eddie Murphy doing that "white man's voice" saying that stupid shit... geez...

So anywayz, before the situation could get out of hand, the band stepped in to make sure the shit didn't hit the fan and Stapp went to the bar for a few drinks. Later on, Stapp was talking shit with Martinez and then got into Sexton's face starting up even more shit, because when you drink you get in "tough guy" mode which makes you "ready to fight"... Sexton then said that Stapp landed a fist in his face and from there a HUGE~! ass-whoopin' was taking place. While Sexton said the incident was unfortunate and that 311 weren't brawlers, there was no comment from the Stapp/Wind-Up (his label) camp. One very interesting note is that the hotel's director of security pointed out that incident was recorded on security cameras from what the footage shows it seems that Stapp was "attacked" by 311 and that security guards had to break things up. The director is convinced that "it was definitely started by 311."

So did Stapp really shoot his mouth and throw a punch at a member of 311? Or are 311 bullies and picking on Stapp and slapping him around? Well, who really fucking cares? It's funny as hell to read this but it's also sad... sad to see grown adult men partaking in such immature bullshit. Whoever started it, whatever was said, it's all just idiotic... don't get me wrong, there are times when someone pisses me off but I refrain from starting a fight because I don't need to deal with the repercussions afterward. But being in a rock band is one of those "occupations" were grown men retain their adolescence and continue to do dumb shit. I like to have fun also but I know how to do so in the real world, which many "rock stars" lose touch with and attempt many times to get away "murder" by spouting out lines like "don't you know who I am?? I am [insert random or favorite "rock star"]!" It's even more sad to refer to Scott Strap-on and 311 as "rock stars", "musicians", and any other term pertaining to the field of entertainment they're in. Yes, referring to all that garbage as "entertainment" is pretty sad also... shit, the fact that these goofballs have careers is an enigma that way past me, I'll never figure it out but I will say that future generations are doomed if they consider Scott Stapp, 311 and other similar sounding dreck as "rock music" because the future of music can look forward to carbon copies of carbon copies of those "bands".

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