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Friday, January 12, 2007

1/12/2007 TNA iMPACT Recap

I'm sorry this is late but I was sleeping when iMPACT was on, and no its not the shows fault this week. I'm recapping from a tit borrent of the file I uh, acquired. Yeah, tit borrent, that's the ticket.

One note before I start this shi...uh...show. Please check out iMPACT Analysis: TNA Final Resolution 2005 as I take a look at the Final Resolution events from year's past. 2006 will be up either Friday or Saturday.

On with the show.

TNA...We, Are Wrestling! Since when?

Show starts with a recap of the stuff I missed after VKM pissed me off last week.

Show starts with Cornette and Angle in the office. I like this. Cornette and Angle bargain in the back. Angle, why should I do anything for you? Cornette why not do something for the man who has a big say in who gets an NWA title shot? Angle, you've got me there. Sure, now all of a sudden Angle cares about the belt.

iMPACT opening and Tenay and West are in the house.

Tenay runs down the main matches for Final Resolution.

Tenay says that the VKM are headed for the Alamo in San Antonio. I hope Mexico decides to invade again.

Match 1: Maverick Matt w/Devine and Kazarian Vs. Kurt Angle

I'm so glad they minimize Angle's wrestling appearances on iMPACT to make the most of his PPV match's.

Angle is the only Olympic gold medalist in professional wrestling history. Sheiky protests that he is Spolympic champiung and that's better than an Olympic gold medal.

The talking heads are talking about the brawl between Angle and Joe from last week which got rave reviews or so I've read.

Talk moves to Serotonin and the hold that Raven has over them. Substitute Flock for Serotonin, and TNA for WCW and it all still works.

Angle has been hitting the Germans and Kazarian comes in and eats a German. Devine also comes in and gets the German. Olympic Slam, surprised the IOC hasn't put an end to that one yet, an Anklelock for Bentley and he taps out.

Winner: Kurt Angle
Short squash to get Angle on TV, because you know people don't really know him or anything.

A video airs for the Iron man match. 30 minutes of fury, 30 minutes of agony (the agony sounds like they're showing first half of Hart Vs. Michaels from Wrestlemania XII)

Team 3D is outside the building. I can't tell what D-von is humming but now I'm relatively certain its the Battle Hymn of the Republic. Brother Ray is declaring war on LAX. Team 3D won't sleep until they beat LAX, they could be awake awhile.

Back in the arena and we see Raven caning Matt Bentley like he was chewing gum in Singapore.

They show a steel cage at ringside with a reserved sign on it. The talking heads speculate on who it is reserved for, perhaps they should've read the spoilers?

Samoa Joe is with Jeremy Borash. Joe doesn't care about anything but his own agenda. He promised not to interfere in Angle's match but now that's over Angle is fair game.

Match 2: Cowboy James Storm/Gail Kim, Chris Sabin and AJ Styles
Petey Williams, Christopher Daniels and Rhino

Tenay says that Gail reluctantly coms out with James Storm. Well, she could always come to the back with me. I'll keep her busy!

Random wacky 6 man action this week. At least the men involved are feuding with someone on the opposite team. The canned cheering is cranked up quite a bit when AJ Styles comes to the ring.

30 seconds in and Daniels hits a moonsault from the ring to the floor. I guess that happens when you have 6 minute matches.

The announcers speculate on the favor that Cornette wanted from Angle. Then West asked about the purpose of the cage, but it never occurred to him that the 2 things might somehow be connected. If I were booking, I'd let him make the connection. I believe announcers should be viewed as more intelligent than your average piece of sheet rock.

Daniels is in clearing house on Sabin and Storm. Daniels hooks the Koji Clutch but Sabin breaks it up. Slingshot Rana from Williams to Sabin on the floor.

Rhino hits the gore, AJ nails Rhino with a forearm and then turns to face Daniels. The 2 former partners exchange moves for awhile. AJ fakes the injury again and Daniels falls for it and gets pinned.

AJ and his gimpy knee may be in an angle where he's the boy who cried wolf. I'm not saying that's where its headed but it could go that way.

Winners: Storm, Sabin and Styles Triple S.

JB backstage with James Mitchell. He's without Abyss and he doesn't know where Abyss is at. This is a mellow Mitchell as compared to his normal interviews. BTW, I've heard the man sing now and he's so god damn awesome.
Mitchell says that he hates to issue an ultimatum and that he has no choice. He's going to reveal the secret if Abyss doesn't side with him.

Tomko Vs. Abyss later.

PCS: Texas Hold'em. A quick skit to set up the PCS finals, and not nearly as funny as when they were playing limbo a few weeks ago. Its Austin Starr Vs. Alex Shelley at Final Resolution, 10 minute time limit, no winner declared and we go to the judges. Nash will worry about the judges. It occurs to me that they could've done this without wasting the talents of Senshi, Sonjay Dutt and Jay Lethal.

JB is with Chris Harris. I think Borash is better at this than Mike Tenay. The background music needs to go. Harris isn't sure he'll be able to return to the ring. I'll bet anything that he does. Storm was his brother and now it is all over. So sad when good teams go bad, then go good again and then split up.

Back to the arena and Konnan was attacked by Team 3D and laid out. Team 3D takes out Konnan because of what happened to Runt. All the best to Konnan in his future surgeries. Now Brother Ray is cutting his second promo of the night.
LAX isn't just fighting Ray or D-von they're fighting all of "us". That's 1 hell of a handicap match LAX is in.

Borash is backstage waiting for Team 3D to arrive at the iMPACT zone, even though we just saw them in the ring. Eric Young comes up and says things. Then Brother Ray interrupts again and says: "1 down and 2 to go". I don't understand this segment it occurred at some sort of bazaar time as its after Team 3D laid out Konnan and before they arrived at the building.

VKM is shown headed to the Alamo. The shuttle takes them straight to Alamo...rent-a-car. Bwahahahaha, that's so not funny.
The sad thing is that I read some fans actually showed up at the Alamo expecting to see VKM and or Shawn Michaels. Those people should not be allowed to breed. Although that may not be an issue, as if they are the type of people to do this then they are also likely the type of people to repel members of the opposite sex.

Match 3: Tomko Vs. Abyss

Cornette tells Christian that since Tomko is banned on Sunday, Christian is in the cage tonight. Christian protests and asks who's going to put him in the cage?

Its a smart thing that Christian asked that very question so that we can connect the dots.

Everyone on this show is dumb.

Kurt Angle comes out to put Christian in the cage. Bwahahahahaha, Christian Cage in a cage...that's funny...funnier than VKM at least.

After where the commercial would've been had I not been watching the torrent...uh, I mean the tape of the show I recorded Abyss comes out from the opposite entry way as James Mitchell.

Tomko is using the power to control Abyss. Abyss goes for the chokeslam but Tomko escapes.

Uh, not to be stupid but Angle's job was to put Christian in the cage, so why the hell is he still out at ringside?

Samoa Joe answers that question by running out and attacking Angle. Angle and Joe are brawling on the floor by the announce table. This fight allows Christian to pick up the key to the cage door that fell out of Angle's hand...perhaps Cornette should've had it?

Black Hole Slam broken up by Christian and that draws the DQ.

Winner: Abyss via DQ.

Crowd chants for Sting and he eventually obliges by coming out and cleaning house with the ball bat.

Sting and Abyss are left and the ring and Sting and Abyss raising arms. Then for the second time in like 3 weeks, Abyss turns on Sting again and hits the shock treatment. We've done this before, seriously.

Sting is still the dumbest man in wrestling and it seems he gets dumber by the year.

That's it for iMPACT this week. It is curious that they didn't plug the Road to Final Resolution special airing this Saturday. Perhaps they were unsure of its air time when they taped the commentary?

Overall: Not nearly as bad as last week. Still some gaping logic holes that make it hard to invest in anyone. But hey, its not ECW.

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