TNA Wrestling: Hard Gay...err...Justice, 2006 Preview~!
I’m going to preview tonight’s Pay Per View from TNA Wrestling because I’ve got nothing better to do with my time.
For those of you new to my previews which is all of you since I’ve never done one before, I will list the match, ask a few key questions about the match, explain what I’d do if I were booking this match, then explain what TNA will do and finally give my prediction for the outcome.
Key Question going into the show: Is Hard Justice the worst current name for a wrestling Pay Per View or is it just me?
The Card:
*Johnny “Why am I?” Devine Vs. Eric “What’s a Binding Contract?” Young
Key Question: Since Jim Cornette wants people who can do 1 of 3 things: Have good matches, bring good TV ratings, and Draw Strong PPV buys, shouldn’t like ¾ of the company be fired? And if we took have good matches out of the equation shouldn’t all of the company be fired?
What I would Do: If it were me and you should wish that it were, I would have Johnny Devine go over. Eric Young’s paranoya is connected to how often he wins or loses, Cornette called this an important match, so he should lose to up the paranoya a little. If he wins, big whoopty-doo.
What TNA will do: Of course Eric Young will win. The right thing is for him to lose, so that won’t happen.
Prediction: Eric Young
*4 Way for the Number 1 contendership to something: Americas Most Wanted (AKA: We’re breaking up soon) Vs. The James Gang (AKA: Stale for 6 years plus and still going strong) Vs. Bentley & Kazarian (AKA: the next match we win will be our first) Vs. The Naturals (AKA: The Natural question is why us?)
Key Questions: 1. Bentley & Kazarian are winless as a team, The Diamonds in the Rough have a slightly better win loss record, so why aren’t they in this match? This would be like the NFL replacing a 10-6 playoff team with a 6-10 team. 2. Does the fact that I asked question 1 prove beyond all reason that I need serious help? 3. Ok I’m just going to ask because it bothers me. The Naturals of what? Seriously, what’s the deal with this, I know they’re the Naturals but I don’t know of what or why. This keeps me up at night, well this and lots of caffeine.
What I would Do: Well, honestly I’d probably not have this match at all but if that’s not an option you’ll let me get away with I’m going to say the Naturals should go over.
What TNA Will do: Probably the same thing that I suggest, unless the stupidity just infects the entire card.
Prediction: The Naturals (Natural hair color?)
*For a shot at the other-division title: Kevin “I’m really doing the division a favor you know” Nash Vs. Chris “If It’s summer where’s all my heat?” Sabin Key Question: Could this whole thing have possibly gone any worse? Seriously, Nash is being cheered because he’s funny and people like him and if Sabin wins he’ll probably get booed out of the building. This feud, which was “going to elevate the entire X-division” has actually elevated Kevin Nash. Now who didn’t see that coming?
What I would do: I never would’ve started this program in the first place. Oh, the match, uh, Sabin’s screwed even if he beat Nash in 7 seconds so Nash should go over.
What TNA will do: Probably extend this program until the end of time just to piss me off and only to piss me off.
Prediction: Kevin Nash *
Gail “Wish I had other women to wrestle” Kim Vs. Sirelda “How much water do I need to get my lawn as green as you?”
Key Question: Which is greater the horror of this match, or the cuteness of Gail Kim?
What I would do: This is the third match in a row where my first thought is, not have it. This is not what I would call a good sign. But, since that option is not on the table, I’d have Gail go over in a short match.
What TNA will do: Sirelda is one of D’Amore’s projects, so I think we all know what that means.
Prediction: Sirelda
*Other-division title: “The artist who we’re not supposed to call Low Ki but we do anyway” Senshi Vs. “Peetey Williams (AKA: “The move and its owner”) Vs. Jay “Jobber the Hut” Lethal
Key Questions: 1. Just what about Jay is so Lethal anyway? 2. Is it me or is Lethal’s new finisher, the one where he ends up flat on his back, shoulders pinned to the mat counter productive? It must be his finisher though cause he does it in every match. 3. They seriously couldn’t have done a singles match? 4. Anyone object to this being known as the threesome division?
What I would do: There’s no point to taking the title off of Lowshi.
What TNA will do: It makes the least amount of sense to give the title to the move and its owner. It would be stupid to switch the title to Jobber the Hut and even dummer to have him pin Williams. Here’s hoping they’re not that stupid.
Prediction: Sen Ki
*Falls Count anywhere, accept on the rides cause they won’t let us: Monty “I won’t do any poooooouncing on the way ooooooooout!” Brown Vs. Samoa “All my Joe-mentum is gone” Joe Vs. Rhino “Mind if I mention ECW a hundred more times?”
Key Question: Samoa Joe went from being the most over guy in the whole company to being less important than Rhino, that has to shatter the we screwed up badly scale doesn’t it?
What I would do: Joe chokes out Monty and starts the road to Bound for Glory and his world title win.
What TNA will do: It’s a 3-way match and Joe like always loses these. Seriously, has anyone else ever been undefeated and lost more than Samoa Joe?
Prediction: Samoa Joe
*Brother Runt (AKA: “I never thought the name Little Spike would be something I longed for” Vs. Abyss (AKA: “That’s where my career went”)
Key Question: Abyss may actually kill him. Yeah, I know its not really a question but then its not supposed to be.
What I would do: I’d have Abyss go over strong, have Runt come back on Impact and do something violent leading to a stipulation match next month where Abyss also goes over. I’d start to line Abyss up as a challenger to Samoa Joe down the line.
What TNA will do: I’m not sure what they’ll do only that they won’t do what I would do.
Prediction: Abyss
*NWA World Tag Team Titles: AJ Styles & Christopher Daniels Vs. LAX
Key Question: LAX is probably the coolest thing in wrestling right now. Great entrance, cool moves everything about them is hip. So this prompts 2 questions. 1. How the hell did this happen? 2. How long before they screw it up?
What I would do: Well, I would put the tag titles on LAX to extend the feud. Then in the rematch, I would book a double turn that sees LAX turn face & the Phenominal Angels turn heel. LAX is going to be turned babyface by the crowd sooner or later anyway, may as well pretend it was in the plans to begin with.
What TNA Will Do: I’ve given them a lot of grief, but I just don’t think they’re dumb enough to hault the momentum of LAX. If this was the WWE they would immediately break them up.
Prediction: LAX (anything else and I will go on my own path of rage.)
*NWA World Heavyweight title: Sting “I can’t see an downside to Christian being in my corner, no, not at all” Vs. Jeff “Lord of the belts” Jarrett
Key Question: Who is the dummer babyface, Sting or Hulk Hogan? It might be something for a wrestling historian to look at who got turned on more times in their careers, Sting or Hogan?
What I would do: Everybody expects Christian to turn on Sting, hell everybody that cares, wants him to turn on Sting. Give the people what they want. Foreign concept in wrestling, I know, especially if your name is Vince and or Russo but it might just be crazy enough to work.
What TNA Will Do: Its so obvious that Christian should turn costing Sting the title, that I can’t imagine them doing anything else. So watch as Sting and Christian both turn heel attacking Jarrett turning him face and toss in a Cornette heelturn for good measure. Oh, looks like I imagined something else.
Prediction: Jeff “holding the belt for Samoa Joe, who will hold the belt for me” Jarrett
Well, that’s the show, it looks better on paper than last month’s offering and hopefully it will be a better show. I’d say that for this show I am looking forward to the tag title match, the Falls Count Anywhere match, The world title match just to see Christian turn, and for my own reasons Abyss Vs. Brother Runt. That’s 4 matches I want to see which is better than average for me and any wrestling PPV these days.
Finally, seriously, Hard Justice? Why not call the show…
TNA: Only $29.95
TNA: Yeah, we’re still here
TNA: If we have a PPV in the middle of the woods and nobody is there to see it…
I hope you’ve enjoyed the Old Country preview of TNA Hard Gay…err…Justice. I’ll probably have some comments up after the show and lord only knows what else I’ll post about today.
For those of you new to my previews which is all of you since I’ve never done one before, I will list the match, ask a few key questions about the match, explain what I’d do if I were booking this match, then explain what TNA will do and finally give my prediction for the outcome.
Key Question going into the show: Is Hard Justice the worst current name for a wrestling Pay Per View or is it just me?
The Card:
*Johnny “Why am I?” Devine Vs. Eric “What’s a Binding Contract?” Young
Key Question: Since Jim Cornette wants people who can do 1 of 3 things: Have good matches, bring good TV ratings, and Draw Strong PPV buys, shouldn’t like ¾ of the company be fired? And if we took have good matches out of the equation shouldn’t all of the company be fired?
What I would Do: If it were me and you should wish that it were, I would have Johnny Devine go over. Eric Young’s paranoya is connected to how often he wins or loses, Cornette called this an important match, so he should lose to up the paranoya a little. If he wins, big whoopty-doo.
What TNA will do: Of course Eric Young will win. The right thing is for him to lose, so that won’t happen.
Prediction: Eric Young
*4 Way for the Number 1 contendership to something: Americas Most Wanted (AKA: We’re breaking up soon) Vs. The James Gang (AKA: Stale for 6 years plus and still going strong) Vs. Bentley & Kazarian (AKA: the next match we win will be our first) Vs. The Naturals (AKA: The Natural question is why us?)
Key Questions: 1. Bentley & Kazarian are winless as a team, The Diamonds in the Rough have a slightly better win loss record, so why aren’t they in this match? This would be like the NFL replacing a 10-6 playoff team with a 6-10 team. 2. Does the fact that I asked question 1 prove beyond all reason that I need serious help? 3. Ok I’m just going to ask because it bothers me. The Naturals of what? Seriously, what’s the deal with this, I know they’re the Naturals but I don’t know of what or why. This keeps me up at night, well this and lots of caffeine.
What I would Do: Well, honestly I’d probably not have this match at all but if that’s not an option you’ll let me get away with I’m going to say the Naturals should go over.
What TNA Will do: Probably the same thing that I suggest, unless the stupidity just infects the entire card.
Prediction: The Naturals (Natural hair color?)
*For a shot at the other-division title: Kevin “I’m really doing the division a favor you know” Nash Vs. Chris “If It’s summer where’s all my heat?” Sabin Key Question: Could this whole thing have possibly gone any worse? Seriously, Nash is being cheered because he’s funny and people like him and if Sabin wins he’ll probably get booed out of the building. This feud, which was “going to elevate the entire X-division” has actually elevated Kevin Nash. Now who didn’t see that coming?
What I would do: I never would’ve started this program in the first place. Oh, the match, uh, Sabin’s screwed even if he beat Nash in 7 seconds so Nash should go over.
What TNA will do: Probably extend this program until the end of time just to piss me off and only to piss me off.
Prediction: Kevin Nash *
Gail “Wish I had other women to wrestle” Kim Vs. Sirelda “How much water do I need to get my lawn as green as you?”
Key Question: Which is greater the horror of this match, or the cuteness of Gail Kim?
What I would do: This is the third match in a row where my first thought is, not have it. This is not what I would call a good sign. But, since that option is not on the table, I’d have Gail go over in a short match.
What TNA will do: Sirelda is one of D’Amore’s projects, so I think we all know what that means.
Prediction: Sirelda
*Other-division title: “The artist who we’re not supposed to call Low Ki but we do anyway” Senshi Vs. “Peetey Williams (AKA: “The move and its owner”) Vs. Jay “Jobber the Hut” Lethal
Key Questions: 1. Just what about Jay is so Lethal anyway? 2. Is it me or is Lethal’s new finisher, the one where he ends up flat on his back, shoulders pinned to the mat counter productive? It must be his finisher though cause he does it in every match. 3. They seriously couldn’t have done a singles match? 4. Anyone object to this being known as the threesome division?
What I would do: There’s no point to taking the title off of Lowshi.
What TNA will do: It makes the least amount of sense to give the title to the move and its owner. It would be stupid to switch the title to Jobber the Hut and even dummer to have him pin Williams. Here’s hoping they’re not that stupid.
Prediction: Sen Ki
*Falls Count anywhere, accept on the rides cause they won’t let us: Monty “I won’t do any poooooouncing on the way ooooooooout!” Brown Vs. Samoa “All my Joe-mentum is gone” Joe Vs. Rhino “Mind if I mention ECW a hundred more times?”
Key Question: Samoa Joe went from being the most over guy in the whole company to being less important than Rhino, that has to shatter the we screwed up badly scale doesn’t it?
What I would do: Joe chokes out Monty and starts the road to Bound for Glory and his world title win.
What TNA will do: It’s a 3-way match and Joe like always loses these. Seriously, has anyone else ever been undefeated and lost more than Samoa Joe?
Prediction: Samoa Joe
*Brother Runt (AKA: “I never thought the name Little Spike would be something I longed for” Vs. Abyss (AKA: “That’s where my career went”)
Key Question: Abyss may actually kill him. Yeah, I know its not really a question but then its not supposed to be.
What I would do: I’d have Abyss go over strong, have Runt come back on Impact and do something violent leading to a stipulation match next month where Abyss also goes over. I’d start to line Abyss up as a challenger to Samoa Joe down the line.
What TNA will do: I’m not sure what they’ll do only that they won’t do what I would do.
Prediction: Abyss
*NWA World Tag Team Titles: AJ Styles & Christopher Daniels Vs. LAX
Key Question: LAX is probably the coolest thing in wrestling right now. Great entrance, cool moves everything about them is hip. So this prompts 2 questions. 1. How the hell did this happen? 2. How long before they screw it up?
What I would do: Well, I would put the tag titles on LAX to extend the feud. Then in the rematch, I would book a double turn that sees LAX turn face & the Phenominal Angels turn heel. LAX is going to be turned babyface by the crowd sooner or later anyway, may as well pretend it was in the plans to begin with.
What TNA Will Do: I’ve given them a lot of grief, but I just don’t think they’re dumb enough to hault the momentum of LAX. If this was the WWE they would immediately break them up.
Prediction: LAX (anything else and I will go on my own path of rage.)
*NWA World Heavyweight title: Sting “I can’t see an downside to Christian being in my corner, no, not at all” Vs. Jeff “Lord of the belts” Jarrett
Key Question: Who is the dummer babyface, Sting or Hulk Hogan? It might be something for a wrestling historian to look at who got turned on more times in their careers, Sting or Hogan?
What I would do: Everybody expects Christian to turn on Sting, hell everybody that cares, wants him to turn on Sting. Give the people what they want. Foreign concept in wrestling, I know, especially if your name is Vince and or Russo but it might just be crazy enough to work.
What TNA Will Do: Its so obvious that Christian should turn costing Sting the title, that I can’t imagine them doing anything else. So watch as Sting and Christian both turn heel attacking Jarrett turning him face and toss in a Cornette heelturn for good measure. Oh, looks like I imagined something else.
Prediction: Jeff “holding the belt for Samoa Joe, who will hold the belt for me” Jarrett
Well, that’s the show, it looks better on paper than last month’s offering and hopefully it will be a better show. I’d say that for this show I am looking forward to the tag title match, the Falls Count Anywhere match, The world title match just to see Christian turn, and for my own reasons Abyss Vs. Brother Runt. That’s 4 matches I want to see which is better than average for me and any wrestling PPV these days.
Finally, seriously, Hard Justice? Why not call the show…
TNA: Only $29.95
TNA: Yeah, we’re still here
TNA: If we have a PPV in the middle of the woods and nobody is there to see it…
I hope you’ve enjoyed the Old Country preview of TNA Hard Gay…err…Justice. I’ll probably have some comments up after the show and lord only knows what else I’ll post about today.
Labels: Hard Justice, Hard Justice 2006, Roundtable Previews, TNA
posted by Casey Trowbridge at 8/13/2006 05:53:00 AM
1 Comments:
Imagine TNA Hard Gay...the first ever Hipthrust from Hell match! Hope all this goes well for you Casey.
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