Nomadic Review: WWE Survivor Series 2006

WWE Survivor Series 2006
Wachovia Center, Philadelphia

Here we are, after my lack of a Cyber Sunday review i give to you my version of WWE Survivor Series 2006. Enjoy!

Traditional Survivor Series Match
Team Greatness(aka the Legends) vs. The Spirit Squad.

Seems odd to me that a Survivor Series match is on first but ok then. Ron Simmons comes out to his old APA music which made me happy. What made me happier was Mr. Simmons owning the Spirit Squad in the early stages of the match but that was cut short after being counted out and therefore eliminated.

Sgt. Slaughter turned into the Iron Sheik briefly by beginning the Iron Sheik 4 Steps to Happiness by suplexing all of the Spirit Squad. He did not go any further which was just as well, i know this was in Philly but i don't think even they wanted to see any ass fumbling. Shortly after this, he is eliminated leaving Flair and Rhodes to take on the Spirit Squad alone. Rhodes did some wacky stuff and then went the way of Ron Simmons which left Ric Flair to evolve into the "World's Greatest Wrestler" by eliminating the entire Spirit Squad to win the match.

Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero for the US Title

The only thing of note was a noticed a CZW t-shirt in the crowd which made me happy. So i am going to leave this recap to my friend The Iron Sheik.

"Thank you Mr. Maloney. That punk Shavo doesn't raspect anyvone let alone Mr. Benoit. Benoit is a great feeling all time i had all my life. Benoit suplexed Shavo, put him in the Camel Clutch for da vin!" Well to clear up some things, Benoit did indeed defeat Chavo but not with the camel clutch instead opting for his Crossface.

A very cool ECW December To Dismember commercial aired. I'm looking forward to this PPV for the comedy that will be the EXTREME elimination chamber but shouldn't they really have more than one match announced by now?

We come back to Todd Grisham interviewing Edge and Lita. During this Cryme Tyme snuck into Lita's locker room with a box, without either of the three of them noticing. Once Edge was finished with Todd, Cryme Tyme emerge with their bounty and the following happened.

Todd: "What are you doing?"
Cryme Tyme: "Ssshhhh...you ain't seen nothing."

Brilliant!

Lita vs. Mickie James for the Women's Championship

This match confirmed that Mickie James is one of the hottest women on Raw along with Maria. The match begun with Mickie slapping the fuck out of Lita but the crowd really made this match. They begun with a "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" chant which was awesome but they proceeded to get more vulgar and that gets a thumbs up from me. Decent match with Mickie James winning the championship with the DDT. After the match, Lita gets on the microphone and flipped out on the crowd. Then Cryme Tyme appeared with the box from earlier on and told the crowd since that was just Lita's final match they were going to have a HO! sale. They also stipulated cash only and then the sale began.

JBL attempted to purchase Lita's underwear which he demanded a smell of before he parted with his money. OK, number one: JBL will now have no less than 10892832948473874 STDs and two: did we really need to see that? This was then topped by the auctioning of Lita's dildo which caused Lita to panic and attempt to save it by buying it herself. The final and best of the items on sale was....Lita's box which produced the quote of the night "Lita's Box - It's Cheap, it's wide and you can put your head in it!" That's an image i did not need to have. So goodbye Lita but i now wonder what the guys are going to do for entertainment now she is gone.

Traditional Survivor Series Match

Team DX vs. Team Rated RKO

Why is this not the main event? Anyway, seeing CM Punk on a WWE PPV brought great joy to me. Jim Ross really helped out the ECW cause with the following wonders. Firstly(there you go Ric), he called the ECW PPV "December To Remember" followed up by "For those of us that watch ECW" when explaining the CM Punk/Mike Knox storyline. Way to go JR! Another item of note was the death of Mike Knox's career thanks to DX. He was first eliminated via Sweet Chin Music and then Triple H asked the following question "Who was that?" HBK then proceeded to explain that he was Mike Knox from ECW and Triple H still appeared confused. Thanks Mr. Knox....you suck!

Throughout the match, there were loud CM Punk chants all around the arena which was great. CM Punk then eliminated Johnny Nitro using the Anaconda Vice which got a huge pop. Jeff Hardy then showed HBK how to throw yourself over the top rope into the un-waiting hands of Edge and Randy Orton good times. Gregory Helms left shortly after thanks to a Swanton Bomb by Jeff. Hmm...that's now 5-2 to the good guys, i smell a humbling. Edge walked straight into Shawn Michael's boot and got himself eliminated leaving Randy Orton all by himself(a familiar feeling i'm sure). He then decided to confirm himself as "The World's Biggest Pussy" by attempting to run away from Team DX. Yeah, way to act like a man. Once he is dragged back to the ring, Orton tastes both Sweet Chin Music and the Pedigree and is eliminated giving Team DX the whitewash victory.

Undertaker vs. "The World's Shittiest Fucking Crappiest Superstar of the Decade" Mr. Kennedy.

Just before the match, the camera cut backstage and they showed Kennedy getting ready for the match and MVP appears. My first thought was "Why the hell is MVP here?". After a minute, i remembered that he was in the final Survivor Series match of the evening and then i was sad.

So the match itself begins with the Undertaker beating the hell out of Kennedy and finally Kennedy is thrown over the ropes to the outside and he is beginning to bleed from the nose so MVP runs out with a towel to mop up as they had agreed during their pre-match date to watch each others back. MVP helps Kennedy to his feet and acts like he is taking him away from the tall, scary looking man in the ring...only to throw him back into the ring. WHAT THE FUCK???!!!! I thought they were friends a minute ago and now MVP turns on Kennedy, my brain hurts.

If this was not stupid enough, the finish of this match managed to top that. MVP ran into the ring with a chair with the intention of hitting Kennedy but misses and catches the Undertaker's head with the top of the chair and busts him open. MVP bails in this NO DQ AND NO DISQUALIFICATION match to avoid the referee and the match ends then Undertaker stands up and the ref notices the blood.

THIS MATCH WAS SO FUCKING RETARDED, WERE THE ENTIRE WWE WRITING TEAM WATCHING TNA AND DECIDED THEY WANTED TO GO DOWN THE VINCE RUSSO WAY OF BOOKING???????

The only saving grace of this was after Kennedy got a couple of shots at the downed Undertaker, he grabbed him by the throat, pushing him over and then picked up a chair and decided to KNOCK HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF! 6 THOUSAND STARS! Thank you Mr. Taker.

Traditional Survivor Series Match

Team Cena vs. Team Show

This was the "Let's Shit On John Cena Party" which was awesome! They hated Cena with a passion, every time he was in the ring they booed. Anyway, in other notes Test is HUGE. He is even bigger than Vincent Kennedy McMahon if that is possible. A sign in the crowd caught my attention just before the bell which said "Umaga Ate My Turkey". Well, i do not think that Umaga got any turkey as he decided that the monitors on the Raw announce table would look much nicer attached to everybody else's head. This of course was a DQ and Armando had the enviable job of taking Umaga back to the locker room, hopefully there was a Happy Meal on stand by to stop him from killing everyone.

Now here is how not to book a traditional Survivor Series match: RVD eliminates MVP with the 5 Star Frog Splash, 2 seconds later Test introduces his boot to RVD's face and pins him then proceeds to get eliminated by Sabu about 30 seconds later. OK, my head was sore after the First Blood match and now this.

Thankfully, about 5 minutes passes before the next lucky person is eliminated in the form of Sabu thanks to Big Show who is now as mobile as a scooter with a flat battery. Kane gets in the ring and the crowd go nuts...they want to see Kane and Show go at it. They lock up and then no other than the Little Bastard runs into the ring, stops in-between both men, looks up at the tall men and runs away in fear. "A great feeling all time i had all my life".

Big Show eliminates Kane with the chokeslam which leaves Cena and Lashley against Big Show and Finlay. Now here is where things get weird again: Finlay is in the ring and the Little Bastard once again comes into the ring so Finlay decides to use him as a weapon. I can only assume that this was a DQ because after he threw him into Cena's hands, he did not play a further role in this match but nothing was announced. If i missed it sorry but it was not made clear to me. The match ends with Cena FUing Show for the victory.

"And now from the beautiful Mandalay Events Centre"...NO WE ARE NOT BRUCE! Do you not pay attention to anything except Rochelle...which is not a bad thing but she is mine so get the arena right.

Main event time.
King Booker vs. Batista for the World Heavyweight Championship

Teddy Long came down to the ring before the match and announced that if King Booker got himself counted out or DQ'd he would lose the championship. So what happens....Batista uses the title belt to knock Booker out and win the championship. STUPID! JBL flipping out at the end did bring something to this match but it was horrible.

There we are, i hope you enjoyed reading this. Please leave me any comments you have about the article and i will see you next week for December For Dismember.