Press Release: TNA Wrestling Announces Latest Inovation in the world of Professional Wrestling
Nashville - Total Nonstop Action Wrestling, the exciting and innovative company that has brought wrestling fans high-impact, high-excitement gimmick matches such as: Ultimate X, 6 sides of Steel, King of the Mountain, The reverse Battle Royal (it ruled and you know it) as well as the forth coming Elevation X which is set to debut at the March 11, 2007 Destination X Pay Per View is pleased to announce its latest Inovation.
"It is time for TNA Wrestling to take that next step of innovation in our never-ending quest to please our fans", said TNA President Dixie Carter from her Nashville office.
"When TNA iMPACT debuted on Fox Sports Net in June of 2004, we brought the 6 sided ring to American soil," Carter stated. "Now this no innovation has me so excited that I can hardly contain my excitement."
At the May 12, TNA Sacrifice Pay Per View Total Nonstop Action will be the first company to run a wrestling Pay Per View Epic Event without the use of a ring.
"The ring, is a rellic of an era who's time has come and gone", said TNA Wrestling's head writer Vince Russo from atop of his trusty pogostick. "So, at the Sacrifice Pay Per View, the 6 sided ring will be replaced with our newest concept idea, the 12 sided poll."
"I'm truly excited to be able to compete in this new environment", said TNA Superstar Samoa Joe with what appeared to be a gun pointed at the back of his head.
Russo said while foaming at the mouth: "Think of all of the great things we will be able to do with our 12 sided poll. We can have a poll on a poll match, a rod on a poll match, a shaft on a poll match, a staff on a poll match, and my favorite a pole on a poll match. Poles show that fans love polls and that is why they answer polls."
When reached for comment, active TNA Director of Authority James E. Cornette said nothing, but did grit his teeth as steam shot out of both ears.
"This is the type of forward thinking that brought me to TNA Wrestling", said Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Angle between conducting 2 radio interviews where he claimed to be: "More popular than Jesus Christ," and "The first King of the people of Mars to walk barefoot on the sun while benchpressing a gorilla."
When told about this new concept coming to the epic Sacrifice event, long-time iMPACT taping attendee Joe Bubba John said: "What do I care, I get in for free."
Total Nonstop Action LLC, is a privately held company with officies in Nashville TN and Orlando Fl. Total Nonstop Action Wrestling brings you slogans containing false advertisement like "We are Wrestling", and presents the program that leads the nation in causes of epaplectic ceasures iMPACT every thursday night at 9:00 PM ET on SpikeTV.
TNA Wrestling brings you the young stars of wrestling such as: Samoa Joe, Abyss, The Latin American Xchange Homicide and Hernandez, Senshi, Alex Shelley, AJ Styles, The Austin Starr, Sonjay Dutt, Jay Lethal and Christopher Daniels (pssst, don't tell anyone he's 35) a long with X-division champion Chris Sabin. None of these stars are pushed ahead of older stars such as: Sting, Jeff Jarrett, Christian Cage, B.G. James (he was the RoadDogg!) Kip James (He was Billy Gunn!!) Kurt Angle, Rhino, Scott Steiner and Kevin Nash all of whom worked in either WCW or the WWE and that makes them more awesome.
TNA has been the leader in booking illogical finishes and wacky stipulation matches since its debut on June 19, 2002. There was a time when Total Nonstop Action Wrestling Pay Per View events were admired by fans for producing good to great in-ring wrestling, but that time was short-lived as we realized that pleasing our fans is not why we're in business.
Forward looking statements: This press release contains forward looking statements based on projections of future events. These things haven't actually happened yet, but it is probably just a matter of time when you think about it.
OC-Times Note: The above press release is probably not real, at least it isn't yet. At least we don't think it is, but we wouldn't completely rule it out either.
"It is time for TNA Wrestling to take that next step of innovation in our never-ending quest to please our fans", said TNA President Dixie Carter from her Nashville office.
"When TNA iMPACT debuted on Fox Sports Net in June of 2004, we brought the 6 sided ring to American soil," Carter stated. "Now this no innovation has me so excited that I can hardly contain my excitement."
At the May 12, TNA Sacrifice Pay Per View Total Nonstop Action will be the first company to run a wrestling Pay Per View Epic Event without the use of a ring.
"The ring, is a rellic of an era who's time has come and gone", said TNA Wrestling's head writer Vince Russo from atop of his trusty pogostick. "So, at the Sacrifice Pay Per View, the 6 sided ring will be replaced with our newest concept idea, the 12 sided poll."
"I'm truly excited to be able to compete in this new environment", said TNA Superstar Samoa Joe with what appeared to be a gun pointed at the back of his head.
Russo said while foaming at the mouth: "Think of all of the great things we will be able to do with our 12 sided poll. We can have a poll on a poll match, a rod on a poll match, a shaft on a poll match, a staff on a poll match, and my favorite a pole on a poll match. Poles show that fans love polls and that is why they answer polls."
When reached for comment, active TNA Director of Authority James E. Cornette said nothing, but did grit his teeth as steam shot out of both ears.
"This is the type of forward thinking that brought me to TNA Wrestling", said Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Angle between conducting 2 radio interviews where he claimed to be: "More popular than Jesus Christ," and "The first King of the people of Mars to walk barefoot on the sun while benchpressing a gorilla."
When told about this new concept coming to the epic Sacrifice event, long-time iMPACT taping attendee Joe Bubba John said: "What do I care, I get in for free."
Total Nonstop Action LLC, is a privately held company with officies in Nashville TN and Orlando Fl. Total Nonstop Action Wrestling brings you slogans containing false advertisement like "We are Wrestling", and presents the program that leads the nation in causes of epaplectic ceasures iMPACT every thursday night at 9:00 PM ET on SpikeTV.
TNA Wrestling brings you the young stars of wrestling such as: Samoa Joe, Abyss, The Latin American Xchange Homicide and Hernandez, Senshi, Alex Shelley, AJ Styles, The Austin Starr, Sonjay Dutt, Jay Lethal and Christopher Daniels (pssst, don't tell anyone he's 35) a long with X-division champion Chris Sabin. None of these stars are pushed ahead of older stars such as: Sting, Jeff Jarrett, Christian Cage, B.G. James (he was the RoadDogg!) Kip James (He was Billy Gunn!!) Kurt Angle, Rhino, Scott Steiner and Kevin Nash all of whom worked in either WCW or the WWE and that makes them more awesome.
TNA has been the leader in booking illogical finishes and wacky stipulation matches since its debut on June 19, 2002. There was a time when Total Nonstop Action Wrestling Pay Per View events were admired by fans for producing good to great in-ring wrestling, but that time was short-lived as we realized that pleasing our fans is not why we're in business.
Forward looking statements: This press release contains forward looking statements based on projections of future events. These things haven't actually happened yet, but it is probably just a matter of time when you think about it.
OC-Times Note: The above press release is probably not real, at least it isn't yet. At least we don't think it is, but we wouldn't completely rule it out either.
Labels: OC-Times Exclusives, Pro Wrestling News, TNA
posted by Casey Trowbridge at 2/14/2007 11:41:00 AM
2 Comments:
This is just fucking greatest ever all my life!
dude, this is beyond tremendous~! You really earned that banner on my site lol...
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