Pride 34 'Kamikaze' Live Play-by-Play

Yes, I'm settling in for 5 hours of live coverage. Thank God, Jesus and Mr. McMahon for lots of soda, and a wireless keyboard.

If you happen to read this please, please leave me a comment saying hi, I'd love to know who is out there. This is my second show in just a few hours as I covered UFC 69

I'm doing this while fighting off a slight tuch of the flu so thank God, Jesus and Mr. McMahon for Tylenol.

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Interesting, I'm watching the Preshow and well...they just had a profile package on Wanderlei Silva. Oops.

You can read the Pride picks that the CARE/Other vuz, Vuz, Vuz, Jabronis have submitted, such as they are, by simply Clicking here

This is the last DSE Pride card. The card isn't what I'd consider to be the best way to go out with a bang but whatever.

I've also got Lenne Hardt to keep me awake should I drift off to sleep.

We open with a pretty cool video package highlighting some of the best moments in Pride history.


Now we get the usual Pride theme which rocks all kinds of hard.

We go straight to the ring announcers and the introduction of the full fight card.

If there are bonus fights, they weren't announced during the Parade.

The audio of the announcers is being piped in over the audio from the ring including the crowd.

I'm not sure of who the one guy is (Sean Wheelock) but the other is Frank Trigg.

They run down the fights on the card that we're going to see. I wish this wasn't drowning out the crowd noise and the ring, it ruins the atmosphere. But hey, with no video of the fight why should we be allowed to hear it?

Ok, it is annoying me that there is a fight going on in the ring, and yet the announcers are just oblivious to it like it doesn't matter to them there are only 6 fights on this show. A hardy fuck off to whoever thought of this and then put it in to practice.

In the first fight Yoshihiro Nakao defeated Edson Drago. Don't ask me how, I don't know and the announcers are hyping up the fight card that this isn't a part of at all.

I'm going to quote Dave Meltzer directly on this one.

This is starting out bad. Instead of airing the first two matches, they are having a lengthy pre-game show from another part of the arena. In the background,
we did hear that Yoshihiro Nakao has beaten Edson Drago. We also won't be seeing Butterbean vs. Zulu. Please don't ask why given that Butterbean would
be the most well known person on this show to a casual fan. Not that I was looking forward to the match, but it's better than Frank Trigg doing a ridiculously
long stretch. Whomever made this call made a bad call.

Zulu and Butterbean is in the ring. We are only getting some of the audio in the background of Wheelock and Trigg talking. I only know who is in the ring because I knew the fight order and because Lenne Hardt is the most powerful force in the Universe. Give DSE an "F" give them a "U" give them a "C" give them a "K" give them an "O" give them an "f" give them an "F" and you've given them a message straight from me. How did Lenne Hardt feel about this introduction?: "They can suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkk maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiii balllllllllllllsssssseeeeeeeeee! Somewhere Bruce Buffer sheds a tear.

Now they decide to show us a Mark Coleman fight from 2000 against Igor Vovchanchyn. Thumbs down to this decision, whoever made this one should be getting a pink slip in the mail soon or a kick in the balls in person even sooner.

I wish I could grow more thumbs to point them down as this is a horrible way to start off a show.

The announcers talk about how the show is just beginning and a big hardy up at 2:30 AM fuck off to the both of them.

Now we get some sort of new opening for the show, you know cause the 1 opening half an hour ago wasn't enough. Who the fuck is booking this PPV? WCW? Vince McMahon didn't fuck the invasion up this bad. TNA can rest easy, Lockdown will not be the worst thing I see this month. Seriously, we could see 6 Gomi-Diaz fights and it wouldn't make up for this shit.

Did Dennis Dodd book this opening. Oh God, here he comes. "Uh huh huh huh hooh hooh me suck thumb after stick it up me bumb, huh huh hooh, give me cookie I love book pride show to not start and piss off fan, now where fudge brownie with Travis Lutter and Vince Russo Twinkie?" Ok, I do apologize for Dennis' run-in it won't happen again. To balance it out...

Domo! Hadugei, Desu! Fuuuuuuu~! HG here to thrust his way in to your hearts, minds and probably your backsides if you are man enough to handle Hard Gay. Thanks HG, you know how to save a seg... Oh HG just thrust at Dennis Dodd, only he didn't thrust his crotch, he thrust a sword right through Dodd's face. He's never looked better, everyone give it up for HG! Fuuuuuuuu!!! Oooooookay!

Now, if you're wondering what that was, call it a distraction for the crap that was this first 30 minutes.

Bout 3: I don't give a fuck what these bastards say.
Zelg "Benkei" Galesic
Vs.
Makoto Takimoto

I hope the Yakuza kill whoever thought that opening the show the way they did was a good idea. Then I hope God reserects that person to be killed again and again until I don't think it is funny anymore.

A reminder that in Pride the first round is 10 minutes, the second and third are 5 minutes each. At least until the next show, bwa ha ha ha ha!

Round 1: Galesic starts off with a big high-kick and then follows up with more kicks. Takimoto wants to back away from those unless of course his great desire is to lose. Krazy Horse says those Leg kicks hurt like a motha fuck ya'll.

Takimoto uses a legsweep to take Galesic down. Galesic gives up his back to Takimoto. Takimoto goes for a choke but Galesic manages to avoid it. If Takimoto wants to choke someone, I've got a suggestion for who wouldn't be that difficult of a target.

Takimoto goes for an armbar but Galesic escapes. Takimoto goes for a stomp but that did not work. Galesic is in the mount now and he is looking for a choke.


The referee stands both men up after some inactivity. This is where Galesic wants it. Indeed, Galesic has Takimoto in serious trouble after a big combination and Takimoto hits the deck. The ref steps in but allows the fight to continue.

Takimoto is in the open guard and the ref moves them to the middle of the ring for a restart. Takimoto has a Kamura and he gets the submission.

Winner: Makoto Takimoto - 5:43 R1 via submission
Fight was ok, I'd like to see more of Galesic.

Bout 4: Gilbert "The Hurricane" Yvel
Vs.
Akira Shoji

Round 1: Yvel has the aggression early but Shoji is defending nicely. Shoji takes Yvel down to the mat and has him in full guard. Shoji goes for a couple of rights but for all their effectiveness he may as well have not thrown them.

Yvel with a left from the bottom position, not where he'd like to fight but he's holding his own. Shoji just keeps trying the rights and they just keep not working. I should note that now that the preshow is over, the audio is the way it should be, but still big thumbs down for that preshow shit.

Yvel has Shoji in a heelhook and Shoji is trying to fight it. Yvel loses his grip and Shoji is able to free himself. Now it is Shoji that has the heelhook of his own. Yvel escapes and ground-and-pound for Yvel and he is victorious. I'm skunking out badly in my pride picks so far.

Winner: Gilbert Yvel - 3:46 R1 via ground-and-pound

Bout 5:
Don Frye
Vs.
James Thompson
Referee: Yuji Shimada

I'm about to break out my first Mt. Dew of the show.

An intense staredown occurs before the opening bell. The crowd erupts when the bell rings.

Round 1: Frye puts Thompson on the mat almost instantaniously with a right hand. Thompson is able to recover as Frye was not ready to capitalize on knocking him down. Thompson nails a series of knees now and then has Frye in the Side Mount and throws more knees.

Thompson moves to full mount and Frye gives up his back. But Frye reverses and is able to get back to his feet. Thompson with a soft left to the head of Frye. Thompson continues to work with the knees.

Legsweep from Frye puts Thompson down and they're in half guard. Frye's corner wants him to drop some elbows, Frye trying to slip in the guillotine from the North South, but he doesn't have it completely. He's still working for it though. Thompson is able to escape popping his head out and back to side control. Frye gives up his back and Thompson starts laying in with heavy rights, a vicious knee and a big kick. Frye is in deep trouble as he is rocked. Frye swinging but they aren't landing, and how Frye is still standing I'm not sure I'll ever know.

Thompson continues to rock Frye with rights as the referee is looking on. The referee finally stops the fight though Frye took a hella beating and didn't drop, it probably should've been stopped sooner.

Winner: James Thompson

Don Frye cuts a promo and says he let all of Japan down, hey don't forget me, you've raviged my PPV picks.

BTW, according to Sherdog.com, Butterbean defeated Zulu in round 1. This ensures that I will not go 0 for the PPV which was a very real possibility. However, Alan Lee is not proving to be so great standing at 0-5 for now.

Kevin Randleman, the non-human robot and Mark Coleman have come out to the ring. An F-bomb is dropped 5 seconds in by Coleman and we're in for an intermission.

We get a commercial for a best of Pride show to air in a few weeks (04/28 the night they were to be in Vegas), bet you $50 that tonight's opening doesn't make the cut. We go back and see the Coleman-Vovchanchyn match from 2000 because it was so awesome the first time we saw it tonight that we can't help but see it a second time.

Have I mentioned how sorry I am to see DSE go? I haven't? Well, maybe there's a reason.

I'm headed for a slice of pizza or 2. Still working on that first soda.

We also get to see Mirko Cro Cop Vs. Kevin Randleman. Hmmm, trying to send some sort of message? I mean earlier Frank Trigg mentioned that Chuck Liddell took part in the 2003 Grand Pre and didn't fair very well. If you don't know, Randleman knocked Cro Cop in to next century.

They ask both men about the purchase of Pride. Randleman says he'll be fighting again within 8 months. He also says that if you look at the top 5 rankings, all of them are Pride and the bottom 5 are all UFC. I want to know what rankings he's looking at these days?

They're now running down the matches we've already seen with Coleman and Randleman. Yada Yada Yada Yada Ya!.

Randleman says that no other organization has what pride has, not the WWF and not UFC. I was unaware that the World Wildlife Fund had gotten in to MMA. Fedor Vs. Pandabear lets sign it.

As Randleman and Coleman are leaving Randleman thanks the Fertittas and then Jerry Millen. Guess which name will never be heard on a Pride show again after tonight?

Sakakibara and Takada are in the ring. Sakakibara, "I'd like to thank all my Yakuza friends for being most Japanese brothers in the vold. I sell Pride to UFC for large money, I suplex their checkbook, put it in the camel clutch, break its back and fuck its ass...UFC money be humble, and I be proud. I thank fans for support as I flush #1 organization-san down the toilet for mob ties. Shoot Shoot Shoot, Bang Bang Bang, bribe bribe bribe, many many secret killings for fun and profit plus lot of fight, fight! Sumo is cool, Yokozuna was my favorite WWE star, and now with money I take from Las Vegas Pizza Man Fertitta I go retire on Private island where I have beautiful women walk on my back and open up Chinese laundry, I'm not Chinese but natives be stupid and not know the difference like stupid UFC fan. It is so awesome to be me and it sucks to be all of you. I want to thank Lenne Hardt for not screaming in my ear, it rings oh how it rings from last time. Echie, echie, echie, echie, schwing! American business men be suckers, pride only worth about $5 and if they thought Yakuza scandal was big wait til they open books. I spend many yen on fansy backscratchers becauseI can. I want Dana White to fight Chuck Liddell, Dana think he real man but I work him over at bargoning table like Georges St. Pierre work over Matt Serra at last UFC show. I likey likey sample American twinkie and donkey punch Ric Gillespie over and over till he make like Japanese during World War II and surrender his hot man love. I buy many things for young houseboy, he feel big man breasts I have because I have Japanese mob kill many many people. In conclusion, bwahahahahahaha banzi! I no make bling bling in sing sing for your ching ching, god bless mob ties! Now we fight so make with the ding ding, ling ling?"

He might not have said all of that word for word.

As for what happened here, I'm going to turn it over to Dave Meltzer for the explanation.

Kazushi Sakuraba under a Tiger Mask is in the ring, and Kiyoshi Tamura came out after him. This is the all-time pro wrestling dream match that never happened
because Tamura kept turning it down for years. Unfortunately, it's a little late for this one to ever be what it could have been. Sakuraba is crying big-time
under the mask. He's the guy who built this and now it's the final show. Sakakibara said it took him 3 1/2 years of work to bring these two together. He
said Sakuraba has returned to Pride, which is a huge blow to Hero's, as he was the company's last superstar. He said Sakuraba would like to have fought
on this farewell show and they he tried to get him to fight on this show. Sakuraba is now doing a promo while still wearing the Tiger Mask. Sakuraba said
he's now back in Pride. Tamura said he's nervous just being in the ring. He said he's said to see the end of Sakakibara in Pride and how much he appreciates
the Pride fans. Tamura said they will keep alive the dream of Sakakibara. Tamura said he wants to make up with Sakuraba after their years of being at odds
with each other. Sakakibara said he's tried so many times to put this match together and he believes some day we will see the match. So in the end, they
still didn't announce the match. Frank Trigg said this is like Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump being put back together. I must say that Trigg set a world's
record for the world's worst analogy. They shook hands. Sakuraba didn't take the mask off until he left the ring.

You know what this show needs? Another video, so its a good thing we're getting one!

Up next...

it has been so long since I've had a fight to recap I'm not sure I can remember how.

Bout 6: Shinya Aoki
Vs. Brian Lo-A-Njoe

round 1: Lo-A-Njoe starts off with some nice striking to Aoki. He's got Aoki in half guard but Aoki reverses and hooks him in an armbar and he gets him to tap.

Winner: Shinya Aoki - 1:33 R1 via Armbar submission.

We get a lengthy video for the next fight that starts out with Sokoudjou flattening Antonio Rogerio Nogueira at Pride 33 'The Second coming'.

Lenne Hardt introduces: "Soka, Soka Soku Sokou Sokoudjou!"

Bout 7: Sokoudjou Vs. Ricardo Arona

Round 1: Sokoudjou looking to prove his KO of Little Nog wasn't a fluke.
They start out early feeling each other out. They trade some nice kicks Sokoudjou first and Arona responds.

Arona looking for a takedown, has the leg of Sokoudjou but he manages to stave it off for now. Well, the KO of Little Nog was no fluke as Sokoudjou has just knocked the fuck out of Ricardo Arona with an uppercut. This dude is for real.

Winner:Sokoudjou - 2:00 R1

The video package airing before the main event has both Pride and UFC footage, and contains the first link of Bruce Buffer and Lenne Hardt on video that has been released to the public.

Bout 8: Kazuyuki "Iron Head" Fujida
Vs.
Jeff "The Snow Man" Monson

Lenne Hardt, god bless her, introduces Monson as the UFC Monster.

As much as they try to hype this as Pride Vs. UFC that's not really what this is because it is not like UFC hand-picked Monson to come over and represent the company in this fight. Monson asked out of his UFC contract.

Dan Henderson is at the commentary table. Trigg asks him if he wants to fight Anderson Silva or Chuck Liddell, and Henderson says Liddell.

Fujida comes to the ring to the Pride theme song.

Trigg says this could go either way and is a close matchup and I'm thinking, we shall see.

Yuji Shimada is the referee.

Round 1: Fujida goes for a windmill punch and misses badly. Monson shoots the doubleleg and Fujida pounds away at his head with the hammerfist. Monson turns and goes for a guillotine but doesn't have it. Monson goes for a takedown again and gets it but Fujida with a reversal. In 1 minute we've had more action than we got in Monson-Sylvia at UFC 65.

Fujida nails a big kick but Monson weathers the storm.

Fujida sprawls out of a Monson takedown and lands more kicks to the approval of the crowd.

Henderson says the biggest challenge for the UFC guys coming over will be the 10 minute first round. Apparently, he hasn't gotten the memo about unified rules yet.

We're 5:30 in to the first round and the pace has slowed considerably. If I hear the phrase Pride Vs. UFC one more time, I'm going to call in Sheiky baby to break some hearts and some backs.

Jeff Monson sneaks in a choke and he gets the tapout.

Winner: Jeff Monson - R1 Submission

Supposedly, the UFC takes a 1-0 lead. The Pride guys are all bumbed forgetting that ultimately, the same man owns both groups and thus money will be made by all.

The Pride roster such as it is hit the ring for a celebration.

If I needed another reason to hate this show, I got it.

Euan: 6-2
Alan: 3-5
Scott: 3-5
Casey: 2-6

Damn this show and its long gaps and stupid opening.

This is everyone's chance to say a few words I guess.