TNA iMPACT: 05/31/2007
Welcome to the "weekly" recap of TNA iMPACT on SpikeTV. I'm glad to be back, and you can thank Art Shimko for this as with his full time posting on the OC Times, I'm not too frustrated to do these reports when the show starts. How frustrated I am when its over is another matter entirely.
Tonight we can expect a KOTM qualifier, Rhino Vs. Homicide 1-on-1 and Chris Sabin defending the X-division title against Kaz of Serotonin. Doesn't that not sound like fun? Refresh your browser for the latest.
One more thing, I'm still looking for a name for this here report. Also, speaking of names that may or may not play in to a give-away that we'll be announcing...shortly I guess.
This is TNA...Duh!
A recap of Joe and Angle earning births in the King of the Mountain match or as I call it, TNA's monument to complication.
The iMPACT opening airs and there's not a swerve to be seen.
Don West and Mike Tenay open the show talking about how its Jarrett and Styles tonight.
We go to the ring with Cornette. He says that Jeff Jarrett is not here to compete against Styles tonight in the KOTM match. Jarrett's name does get polite applause.
Cornette says now he's got a tough decision to make concerning tonight's match. On cue, Christian Cage walks out to the ring and of course he has things to say. He wants to know what's wrong with this picture? He says if Styles forfeited then Cornette would be having a party. Christian suggests that Cornette raise Styles' hand in victory right now.
He also says that the way Cornette conducts business is a complete joke. He says that Cornette wanted to make it 5 on 1 at Sacrifice, Cornette, Sting, Angle and 2 refs. He wants to know who he'll face in the KOTM qualifier. Christian says this is his show, I wouldn't be claiming that if I were him.
Cornette says some things and decides to make Styles wrestle for his spot in KOTM. He says Styles will wrestle Tomko tonight. Christian still wants to know who he'll be wrestling. Cornette won't tell Christian who he'll be facing but he does tell him it is someone Christian considers a punk and beneath him.
Backstage with Borash. He pimps TNA mobile in exactly the same fashion that Mean Gene used to pimp the WCW hotline. He then asks Daniels what's up with the Sting stuff. Daniels says he went to Sting for enlightenment but the strength of his convictions has worried Sting. He's set to wrestle Rhino next, but if you read my opener of this recap you know that's not going to happen.
Commercial Break!!!
I feel at this point it is worth mentioning that it is raining out.
Something happened backstage involving Cornette but I'm to disinterested to care.
Match 1: Rhino Vs. Christopher Daniels
Yeah, Sting jumps Daniels as he's making his way to the ring and the fight is on. I guess this is payback from last week, but I didn't watch anything other than the great Team 3D-Steiners segment. Sting is kind enough to take the beating to the ring for a bit before he clothesline's him out and does more pounding on the floor. Crowd is hot for this stuff at least.
Sting continues the beatdown and takes it outside of the iMPACT zone. Someone might want to call Bill Banks and mention that these segments are all being recorded by a mysterious camera crew and then aired on cable TV. He might not be aware of that.
Rhino back in the ring. Rhino says he came here for a fight and issues an extreme challenge to anyone in the back. I'm not sure how that's extreme but whatever.
The LAX music hits and they head down to the ring to answer the challenge in the affirmative.
Konnan says TNA has a conspiracy against LAX. Konnan tells Rhino that he got in to a beef with LAX and now he's in a beef with LAX. Not his best work. He then points out Hector Guerrero and says he sold out or something. He's washed up like money that's laundered. What the hell? Hector decides to head to the ring and it is time for another commercial.
Commercial Break!!!
Better than the first segment but that's not hard. I don't know what it is but I usually enjoy the promo work of both Christian and Konnan but don't feel either had strong interviews tonight. Christian was more serious tonight and while its probably better that way, I enjoy humorous Christian more. Konnan's just seemed to lack a real punch.
Hey, how can Slammiversary be the hottest PPV of the summer if it is June 17? Summer doesn't start until June 21.
Match 1: Rhino Vs. Homicide
No, Hector is not teaming with Rhino to face LAX like Tenay was teasing before the break. Tenay is breaking out the Konnan and Guerrero family history lesson.
Fans duel chant for Rhino and Homicide as Tenay says Konnan calling Hector a sellout is sick. I say its unoriginal and uncreative.
We've got some LAX interference going on down on the floor but it backfires in the ring as Rhino hits a gore, gore, gore vote for Al Gore for the pin.
Winner: Rhino
Rhino pays the price for winning as LAX is in for the beatdown and Hector comes in to even things up. LAX overwhelms him the way they did with Rhino and Chris Harris for a reason I still don't get is in to make the save.
Note, I'm not suggesting above that you should actually vote for Al Gore. I'm not saying that you shouldn't vote for him either...what I'm saying is a mystery to everyone, including me.
JB with Samoa Joe. Before Joe can say anything Angle interrupts. He says he never liked Joe and Angle tells him that he will cripple him before KOTM. Joe says he had better pray that he doesn't get to Angle first. Ooooo, tension!
Commercial Break!!!
The highlight of this is a commercial for Knocked Up which looks funny.
A commercial airs for TNA live events, and the road to Slammiversary only has 2 stops on it. One is in Puerto Rico and the other is in Alabama.
We're back and AJ is spazzing out on Christian. Christian explains that Styles and Tomko are like brothers to him and sometimes brothers fight. This man should teach a class or something. Then Tomko ruins all the good vibes simply by speaking and telling AJ it will be short sweet and painless tonight. Well, it probably won't be painless for me, but I do pray for short.
Match 2: Chris Sabin Vs. Kaz
I guess this is non-title. Well, its not like Kaz has won enough matches to earn a title shot. Actually, its not like he's won any matches at all.
The fans seem to be behind Serotonin and Raven which surprises me, I thought they were heels. I guess the answer is "Yeah, like it matters".
This match is actually not half bad. Kaz put Sabin up top but Sabin blocks his attempted whatever by biting his nose. Hesitation dropkick by Sabin after he had crotched Kaz on the top rope and then the cradle shock ends things.
Winner: Chris Sabin
B.G. James is mad at Basham, Damaja and trick who I guess is Christy. He says he's pissed off and they're in for a fight. He showed more fire than Konnan did earlier but I actually cared less because its B.G. James.
Commercial Break!!!
You know what I just realized? I haven't watched a WWE Pay Per View since last year's One Night Stand.
We're back with Black Machismo and Kevin Nash. Sonjay Dutt says he'll reintroduce himself next week and he hopes Nash and Jay are there. I also hope Machismo is there.
Match 3: KOTM Qualifier - AJ Styles Vs. Tomko
It is now 8:49 PM CT and thank God this show doesn't have an over-run.
Tenay says Christian doesn't want Tomko to win this match. I think I don't want to watch Tomko wrestle. Actually, in my case replace think with know.
Tenay says next week's KOTM will pit 2 former world champions against one another. For those of you who haven't heard, its Chris Harris and James Storm. If you're bothered by my giving away spoilers, dude its just iMPACT.
Commercial Break!!
A commercial for the Ultimate Fighter airs, and I love Jens Pulver, that is all.
I'm not even going to pretend that I care about the rest of this. AJ gets the win over Tomko to qualify for KOTM.
Winner: AJ Styles
My Thoughts: This show was not horrible, it was not good, it was just there and that's probably worst of all. If this episode is an example of people being happy with the tapings, then I'm doomed because it is clear standards have just been flushed down the toilet and in order to see rock bottom they strain their neck looking up.
Tonight we can expect a KOTM qualifier, Rhino Vs. Homicide 1-on-1 and Chris Sabin defending the X-division title against Kaz of Serotonin. Doesn't that not sound like fun? Refresh your browser for the latest.
One more thing, I'm still looking for a name for this here report. Also, speaking of names that may or may not play in to a give-away that we'll be announcing...shortly I guess.
This is TNA...Duh!
A recap of Joe and Angle earning births in the King of the Mountain match or as I call it, TNA's monument to complication.
The iMPACT opening airs and there's not a swerve to be seen.
Don West and Mike Tenay open the show talking about how its Jarrett and Styles tonight.
We go to the ring with Cornette. He says that Jeff Jarrett is not here to compete against Styles tonight in the KOTM match. Jarrett's name does get polite applause.
Cornette says now he's got a tough decision to make concerning tonight's match. On cue, Christian Cage walks out to the ring and of course he has things to say. He wants to know what's wrong with this picture? He says if Styles forfeited then Cornette would be having a party. Christian suggests that Cornette raise Styles' hand in victory right now.
He also says that the way Cornette conducts business is a complete joke. He says that Cornette wanted to make it 5 on 1 at Sacrifice, Cornette, Sting, Angle and 2 refs. He wants to know who he'll face in the KOTM qualifier. Christian says this is his show, I wouldn't be claiming that if I were him.
Cornette says some things and decides to make Styles wrestle for his spot in KOTM. He says Styles will wrestle Tomko tonight. Christian still wants to know who he'll be wrestling. Cornette won't tell Christian who he'll be facing but he does tell him it is someone Christian considers a punk and beneath him.
Backstage with Borash. He pimps TNA mobile in exactly the same fashion that Mean Gene used to pimp the WCW hotline. He then asks Daniels what's up with the Sting stuff. Daniels says he went to Sting for enlightenment but the strength of his convictions has worried Sting. He's set to wrestle Rhino next, but if you read my opener of this recap you know that's not going to happen.
Commercial Break!!!
I feel at this point it is worth mentioning that it is raining out.
Something happened backstage involving Cornette but I'm to disinterested to care.
Match 1: Rhino Vs. Christopher Daniels
Yeah, Sting jumps Daniels as he's making his way to the ring and the fight is on. I guess this is payback from last week, but I didn't watch anything other than the great Team 3D-Steiners segment. Sting is kind enough to take the beating to the ring for a bit before he clothesline's him out and does more pounding on the floor. Crowd is hot for this stuff at least.
Sting continues the beatdown and takes it outside of the iMPACT zone. Someone might want to call Bill Banks and mention that these segments are all being recorded by a mysterious camera crew and then aired on cable TV. He might not be aware of that.
Rhino back in the ring. Rhino says he came here for a fight and issues an extreme challenge to anyone in the back. I'm not sure how that's extreme but whatever.
The LAX music hits and they head down to the ring to answer the challenge in the affirmative.
Konnan says TNA has a conspiracy against LAX. Konnan tells Rhino that he got in to a beef with LAX and now he's in a beef with LAX. Not his best work. He then points out Hector Guerrero and says he sold out or something. He's washed up like money that's laundered. What the hell? Hector decides to head to the ring and it is time for another commercial.
Commercial Break!!!
Better than the first segment but that's not hard. I don't know what it is but I usually enjoy the promo work of both Christian and Konnan but don't feel either had strong interviews tonight. Christian was more serious tonight and while its probably better that way, I enjoy humorous Christian more. Konnan's just seemed to lack a real punch.
Hey, how can Slammiversary be the hottest PPV of the summer if it is June 17? Summer doesn't start until June 21.
Match 1: Rhino Vs. Homicide
No, Hector is not teaming with Rhino to face LAX like Tenay was teasing before the break. Tenay is breaking out the Konnan and Guerrero family history lesson.
Fans duel chant for Rhino and Homicide as Tenay says Konnan calling Hector a sellout is sick. I say its unoriginal and uncreative.
We've got some LAX interference going on down on the floor but it backfires in the ring as Rhino hits a gore, gore, gore vote for Al Gore for the pin.
Winner: Rhino
Rhino pays the price for winning as LAX is in for the beatdown and Hector comes in to even things up. LAX overwhelms him the way they did with Rhino and Chris Harris for a reason I still don't get is in to make the save.
Note, I'm not suggesting above that you should actually vote for Al Gore. I'm not saying that you shouldn't vote for him either...what I'm saying is a mystery to everyone, including me.
JB with Samoa Joe. Before Joe can say anything Angle interrupts. He says he never liked Joe and Angle tells him that he will cripple him before KOTM. Joe says he had better pray that he doesn't get to Angle first. Ooooo, tension!
Commercial Break!!!
The highlight of this is a commercial for Knocked Up which looks funny.
A commercial airs for TNA live events, and the road to Slammiversary only has 2 stops on it. One is in Puerto Rico and the other is in Alabama.
We're back and AJ is spazzing out on Christian. Christian explains that Styles and Tomko are like brothers to him and sometimes brothers fight. This man should teach a class or something. Then Tomko ruins all the good vibes simply by speaking and telling AJ it will be short sweet and painless tonight. Well, it probably won't be painless for me, but I do pray for short.
Match 2: Chris Sabin Vs. Kaz
I guess this is non-title. Well, its not like Kaz has won enough matches to earn a title shot. Actually, its not like he's won any matches at all.
The fans seem to be behind Serotonin and Raven which surprises me, I thought they were heels. I guess the answer is "Yeah, like it matters".
This match is actually not half bad. Kaz put Sabin up top but Sabin blocks his attempted whatever by biting his nose. Hesitation dropkick by Sabin after he had crotched Kaz on the top rope and then the cradle shock ends things.
Winner: Chris Sabin
B.G. James is mad at Basham, Damaja and trick who I guess is Christy. He says he's pissed off and they're in for a fight. He showed more fire than Konnan did earlier but I actually cared less because its B.G. James.
Commercial Break!!!
You know what I just realized? I haven't watched a WWE Pay Per View since last year's One Night Stand.
We're back with Black Machismo and Kevin Nash. Sonjay Dutt says he'll reintroduce himself next week and he hopes Nash and Jay are there. I also hope Machismo is there.
Match 3: KOTM Qualifier - AJ Styles Vs. Tomko
It is now 8:49 PM CT and thank God this show doesn't have an over-run.
Tenay says Christian doesn't want Tomko to win this match. I think I don't want to watch Tomko wrestle. Actually, in my case replace think with know.
Tenay says next week's KOTM will pit 2 former world champions against one another. For those of you who haven't heard, its Chris Harris and James Storm. If you're bothered by my giving away spoilers, dude its just iMPACT.
Commercial Break!!
A commercial for the Ultimate Fighter airs, and I love Jens Pulver, that is all.
I'm not even going to pretend that I care about the rest of this. AJ gets the win over Tomko to qualify for KOTM.
Winner: AJ Styles
My Thoughts: This show was not horrible, it was not good, it was just there and that's probably worst of all. If this episode is an example of people being happy with the tapings, then I'm doomed because it is clear standards have just been flushed down the toilet and in order to see rock bottom they strain their neck looking up.
Labels: iMPACT, OCC Television Coverage, TNA
posted by Casey Trowbridge at 5/31/2007 07:54:00 PM
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