Casey's Old Country Corner: OC Times special interview~!
***The following, for those too stupid to get the idea, is a parody***
There’s been a lot of talk in the mainstream media and the wrestling press about the problems in the professional wrestling industry. We here at the Old Country Times however, have managed to score an exclusive interview with a major player in the pro wrestling industry who has thus far been silent. We’re going to talk drug issues, the Benoit tragety, deaths in wrestling and whatever else comes up.
Our interview subject today is one Kennedy Vincent MacMahoone the C.E.O. of Entertainment World Wrestling.
Now once again, I must stress for legal reasons that this is Kennedy Vincent MacMahoon of Entertainment World Wrestling and any similarities to Vincent Kennedy McMahon of World Wrestling Entertainment are purely coincidental.
I must also state, again for legal reasons, that MacMahoon has dyslexia and for some reason kept writing WWE in his responses and not EWW but he’s not talking about the WWE even though the commonalities of the 2 companies are remarkable.
Anyway, on with the interview.
OC Times: Mr. MacMahoon thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule for this interview.
MacMahoon: Yeah Yeah Yeah, make it quick. I was on my way over here and almost got caught in traffic but I pulled off some sweet ass driving to make it in time. Everyone I passed just kept yelling Whata maneuver.
OC Times: Well, I think first we should talk about drug issues in wrestling. We’ll get to the Benoit story in a bit but it seems that this has opened people’s eyes to the drug culture in wrestling how has this effected the EWW?
MacMahoon: We in the WWE have a strict drug policy, nobody has ever failed one of our tests.
OC Times: Would you mind explaining to our readers what your policy involves?
MacMahoon: bwahahahahahahaha, that gets me every time.
OC Times: Uh, what?
MacMahoon: Sorry, Droz just showed up and peucked in my bucket, it always brings a smile to my face. Oh, your question…
OC Times: The drug policy, what does it involve?
MacMahoon: I’m glad you asked this because I can now prove that our drug test is not a sham. Every Pludsday at 29:98 Post Menstrual Season Time, all of our independent contractors who can work only for us or we’ll break their fucking legs are tested for every drug that has ever been invented and some that won’t even be invented for another villion years. Three standard earth mallenia later we get the results back and I can tell you absolutely none of our wrestlers have failed the test.
OC Times: When did the EWW put this policy in to practice?
MacMahoon: Yesterday.
OC Times: Tell me to what do you attribute such great results?
MacMahoon: All the wrestlers pass because we give them the questions in advance, stupid.
OC Times: If for some reason, someone were to fail a drug test…
MacMahoon: They wouldn’t dare, you never cross the boss. Just ask Tom cole and Rita Chatterton what happens when you try and get in my way…but if you even think about what it might be like to contemplate taking a drug in the WWE you fail!!! No acceptions unless you’re either key to a storyline or headlining a PPV or married to my daughter Tiffany or son Blane.
OC Times: Tell me have you ever done steroids yourself?
MacMahoon: All I’ll say is this, I went from having balls the size of grapes to having balls the size of grape nuts.
OC Times: Well then, moving on to…
MacMahoon [interrupting]: Fragile X!
Oc Times: Huh?
MacMahoon: Sorry, I was getting my next stock answer ready to go. They don’t call me the genetic screwdriver for nothing…
OC Times: Well, if their isn’t a drug problem in wrestling…
MacMahoon: I never said that. Fact is that in WWE there is no problem with drugs but I happen to know that in both Announcing Nonstop Totals (TNA) and Honor our Ring (RoH) drugs everywhere.
OC Times: Your dyslexia is acting up again, you mean to say that in ANT and HOR drugs run wild?
MacMahoon: Exactly, not since the day of Hulkamania has something run so wild.
OC Times: How do you know that ANT and HOR have drug problems?
MacMahoon: Every week I package up some drugs and send them down to ROH and TNA just to frame…I mean appease them.
OC Times: Isn’t that a little bit wrong?
MacMahoon: Hey, you’re the last one that should be talking about what’s wrong. You’re drug policy is so flimsy even Shimko has no trouble passing.
OC Times: Fair enough, so moving on to our next subject which is the rate of…
MacMahoon: [interrupting] Fragile X!
OC Times: Actually, the seemingly high rate of death in pro wrestling especially among those who previously worked for EWW.
MacMahoon: It is a myth that WWE is a culture of death, and I’ll prove it. Name a wrestler that supposedly died while in the WWE.
OC Times: Well, Eddie Guerrero obviously comes to mind.
MacMahoon: Eddie Guerrero was not working for the WWE at the time of his death.
OC Times: But, he was supposed to win the world title…
MacMahoon: Where did Eddie Guerrero die?
OC Times: They found him in his hotel bathroom in Minneapolis.
MacMahoon: Exactly, he was brushing his teeth or something. That’s not working for WWE. We don’t pay guys to brush their teeth in hotel rooms, they are paid to wrestle. Thus, he was not working for WWE when he died. Neither was Chris Benoit, he was at home avoiding working for WWE when he went on his rampage. Brian Pillman, another hotel in Minnesota. If you ask me, those are the people that need to be investigated.
OC Times: Again for legal reasons MacMahoon is talking about the Entertainment Wrestling World or EWW I can’t stress that enough. Well Mr. MacMahoon, what about Owen Hart?
MacMahoon: Look, Owen was working for WWE when he died but you’ve got to understand a couple of things about that situation that made it special.
OC Times: Such as?
MacMahoon: Well, when Owen Hart died, Bret Hart was kind of pissing me off and sometimes when you get pissed…accidents happen. Oh, and the second thing, most people don’t know this but Owen Hart had Fragile X.
OC Times: I didn’t know that, when did you find this out?
MacMahoon: Five seconds ago, but yeah, he had fragile X. In fact, he had 3 cases of Fragile X and I ate a box of it for Breakfast this morning. Good stuff, unbelievable!
OC Times: Are you sure you’re not confusing fragile X for special K? You do keep calling the EWW the WWE after all.
MacMahoon: Fragile X, special K, its really the same thing. Ahahahahahahaha, Droz that’s seriously funny. Hey, you had French fries for lunch? Why didn’t you bring me any?
OC Times: So, you’re saying that there is no death problem in your company?
MacMahoon: Exactly, and it kind of pisses me off. Down in TNA, what’s here name Jane Jannett? She died and nobody’s investigating that one.
OC Times: She died of cancer, what’s to investigate?
MacMahoon: I can’t believe you really think she died of cancer, it was fragile roid rage X syndrome if you ask me.
OC Times: Well, I wasn’t asking you about ANT and please for the love of god try and control your dyslexia more, you keep typing WWE and TNA when that’s legally not what you meant.
MacMahoon: If you don’t stop bugging me about that, you’re going to join the Kick My Ass Club!
OC Times: What did you think of the tribute to Chris Benoit?
MacMahoon: I think it wasn’t long enough.
OC Times: Seriously?
MacMahoon: Yeah, I mean 3 people died 2 of them by natural causes.
OC Times: Natural causes! Benoit killed them!!
MacMahoon: No, No, No…see, Nancy was trying to hook up their new home theater system and got tangled in all the chords. Those things now days have a lot of chords and you’ve got to be careful.
OC Times: Ok, see that’s not what happened and I don’t even want to know your theory for Daniel…
MacMahoon: [interrupting] Fragile X!!!
OC Times: So your saying Roid Rage wasn’t a factor?
MacMahoon: [starts smashing furnature and screaming at the top of his lungs] How dare you ask me that question? I’m Kenicent Vinnedy MacMahoo…I mean Kenmac Vinhoon Ma…daaaaa….ahhhhh…arrrrrrrr….uuuuhuhuhuhuhuhuh…[falls to the ground flayling his arms and legs] damn it, I’m Kennedy Vincent MacMahoon! [Gets up and throws a cat at the window shattering the glass] There’s no roid rage! It’s a media myth [kicks over the trash can] I’ll roid rage your ass you worthless sunnovabitch [punches wall] of all the stupid [kicks dog] questions you could ask [throws lamp] why ask about something the media can’t even prove [throws chair threw TV] exists? I don’t wanna here it [kicks door down] this interview [knocks over flower pot on deck] is over!
OC Times: [Yelling out a broken window] Ok, well thank you for your time, I hope we can do it again soon. Next time, in your office though.
MacMahoon: [mumbling as he enters his limo] 1, 2, he got em, no he didn’t…unbelievable, oh what a maneuver…you’re fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeedddddd!
Well, I hope this interview was able to shed some light on this situation. I’m sorry it had to end so abruptly. Next time, the OC times is hoping for a panel discussion with the Ultimate Warrior, the Iron Sheik and the Great Kahli on these issues.
***The above, for those still too stupid to get the idea, was a parody***
There’s been a lot of talk in the mainstream media and the wrestling press about the problems in the professional wrestling industry. We here at the Old Country Times however, have managed to score an exclusive interview with a major player in the pro wrestling industry who has thus far been silent. We’re going to talk drug issues, the Benoit tragety, deaths in wrestling and whatever else comes up.
Our interview subject today is one Kennedy Vincent MacMahoone the C.E.O. of Entertainment World Wrestling.
Now once again, I must stress for legal reasons that this is Kennedy Vincent MacMahoon of Entertainment World Wrestling and any similarities to Vincent Kennedy McMahon of World Wrestling Entertainment are purely coincidental.
I must also state, again for legal reasons, that MacMahoon has dyslexia and for some reason kept writing WWE in his responses and not EWW but he’s not talking about the WWE even though the commonalities of the 2 companies are remarkable.
Anyway, on with the interview.
OC Times: Mr. MacMahoon thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule for this interview.
MacMahoon: Yeah Yeah Yeah, make it quick. I was on my way over here and almost got caught in traffic but I pulled off some sweet ass driving to make it in time. Everyone I passed just kept yelling Whata maneuver.
OC Times: Well, I think first we should talk about drug issues in wrestling. We’ll get to the Benoit story in a bit but it seems that this has opened people’s eyes to the drug culture in wrestling how has this effected the EWW?
MacMahoon: We in the WWE have a strict drug policy, nobody has ever failed one of our tests.
OC Times: Would you mind explaining to our readers what your policy involves?
MacMahoon: bwahahahahahahaha, that gets me every time.
OC Times: Uh, what?
MacMahoon: Sorry, Droz just showed up and peucked in my bucket, it always brings a smile to my face. Oh, your question…
OC Times: The drug policy, what does it involve?
MacMahoon: I’m glad you asked this because I can now prove that our drug test is not a sham. Every Pludsday at 29:98 Post Menstrual Season Time, all of our independent contractors who can work only for us or we’ll break their fucking legs are tested for every drug that has ever been invented and some that won’t even be invented for another villion years. Three standard earth mallenia later we get the results back and I can tell you absolutely none of our wrestlers have failed the test.
OC Times: When did the EWW put this policy in to practice?
MacMahoon: Yesterday.
OC Times: Tell me to what do you attribute such great results?
MacMahoon: All the wrestlers pass because we give them the questions in advance, stupid.
OC Times: If for some reason, someone were to fail a drug test…
MacMahoon: They wouldn’t dare, you never cross the boss. Just ask Tom cole and Rita Chatterton what happens when you try and get in my way…but if you even think about what it might be like to contemplate taking a drug in the WWE you fail!!! No acceptions unless you’re either key to a storyline or headlining a PPV or married to my daughter Tiffany or son Blane.
OC Times: Tell me have you ever done steroids yourself?
MacMahoon: All I’ll say is this, I went from having balls the size of grapes to having balls the size of grape nuts.
OC Times: Well then, moving on to…
MacMahoon [interrupting]: Fragile X!
Oc Times: Huh?
MacMahoon: Sorry, I was getting my next stock answer ready to go. They don’t call me the genetic screwdriver for nothing…
OC Times: Well, if their isn’t a drug problem in wrestling…
MacMahoon: I never said that. Fact is that in WWE there is no problem with drugs but I happen to know that in both Announcing Nonstop Totals (TNA) and Honor our Ring (RoH) drugs everywhere.
OC Times: Your dyslexia is acting up again, you mean to say that in ANT and HOR drugs run wild?
MacMahoon: Exactly, not since the day of Hulkamania has something run so wild.
OC Times: How do you know that ANT and HOR have drug problems?
MacMahoon: Every week I package up some drugs and send them down to ROH and TNA just to frame…I mean appease them.
OC Times: Isn’t that a little bit wrong?
MacMahoon: Hey, you’re the last one that should be talking about what’s wrong. You’re drug policy is so flimsy even Shimko has no trouble passing.
OC Times: Fair enough, so moving on to our next subject which is the rate of…
MacMahoon: [interrupting] Fragile X!
OC Times: Actually, the seemingly high rate of death in pro wrestling especially among those who previously worked for EWW.
MacMahoon: It is a myth that WWE is a culture of death, and I’ll prove it. Name a wrestler that supposedly died while in the WWE.
OC Times: Well, Eddie Guerrero obviously comes to mind.
MacMahoon: Eddie Guerrero was not working for the WWE at the time of his death.
OC Times: But, he was supposed to win the world title…
MacMahoon: Where did Eddie Guerrero die?
OC Times: They found him in his hotel bathroom in Minneapolis.
MacMahoon: Exactly, he was brushing his teeth or something. That’s not working for WWE. We don’t pay guys to brush their teeth in hotel rooms, they are paid to wrestle. Thus, he was not working for WWE when he died. Neither was Chris Benoit, he was at home avoiding working for WWE when he went on his rampage. Brian Pillman, another hotel in Minnesota. If you ask me, those are the people that need to be investigated.
OC Times: Again for legal reasons MacMahoon is talking about the Entertainment Wrestling World or EWW I can’t stress that enough. Well Mr. MacMahoon, what about Owen Hart?
MacMahoon: Look, Owen was working for WWE when he died but you’ve got to understand a couple of things about that situation that made it special.
OC Times: Such as?
MacMahoon: Well, when Owen Hart died, Bret Hart was kind of pissing me off and sometimes when you get pissed…accidents happen. Oh, and the second thing, most people don’t know this but Owen Hart had Fragile X.
OC Times: I didn’t know that, when did you find this out?
MacMahoon: Five seconds ago, but yeah, he had fragile X. In fact, he had 3 cases of Fragile X and I ate a box of it for Breakfast this morning. Good stuff, unbelievable!
OC Times: Are you sure you’re not confusing fragile X for special K? You do keep calling the EWW the WWE after all.
MacMahoon: Fragile X, special K, its really the same thing. Ahahahahahahaha, Droz that’s seriously funny. Hey, you had French fries for lunch? Why didn’t you bring me any?
OC Times: So, you’re saying that there is no death problem in your company?
MacMahoon: Exactly, and it kind of pisses me off. Down in TNA, what’s here name Jane Jannett? She died and nobody’s investigating that one.
OC Times: She died of cancer, what’s to investigate?
MacMahoon: I can’t believe you really think she died of cancer, it was fragile roid rage X syndrome if you ask me.
OC Times: Well, I wasn’t asking you about ANT and please for the love of god try and control your dyslexia more, you keep typing WWE and TNA when that’s legally not what you meant.
MacMahoon: If you don’t stop bugging me about that, you’re going to join the Kick My Ass Club!
OC Times: What did you think of the tribute to Chris Benoit?
MacMahoon: I think it wasn’t long enough.
OC Times: Seriously?
MacMahoon: Yeah, I mean 3 people died 2 of them by natural causes.
OC Times: Natural causes! Benoit killed them!!
MacMahoon: No, No, No…see, Nancy was trying to hook up their new home theater system and got tangled in all the chords. Those things now days have a lot of chords and you’ve got to be careful.
OC Times: Ok, see that’s not what happened and I don’t even want to know your theory for Daniel…
MacMahoon: [interrupting] Fragile X!!!
OC Times: So your saying Roid Rage wasn’t a factor?
MacMahoon: [starts smashing furnature and screaming at the top of his lungs] How dare you ask me that question? I’m Kenicent Vinnedy MacMahoo…I mean Kenmac Vinhoon Ma…daaaaa….ahhhhh…arrrrrrrr….uuuuhuhuhuhuhuhuh…[falls to the ground flayling his arms and legs] damn it, I’m Kennedy Vincent MacMahoon! [Gets up and throws a cat at the window shattering the glass] There’s no roid rage! It’s a media myth [kicks over the trash can] I’ll roid rage your ass you worthless sunnovabitch [punches wall] of all the stupid [kicks dog] questions you could ask [throws lamp] why ask about something the media can’t even prove [throws chair threw TV] exists? I don’t wanna here it [kicks door down] this interview [knocks over flower pot on deck] is over!
OC Times: [Yelling out a broken window] Ok, well thank you for your time, I hope we can do it again soon. Next time, in your office though.
MacMahoon: [mumbling as he enters his limo] 1, 2, he got em, no he didn’t…unbelievable, oh what a maneuver…you’re fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeedddddd!
Well, I hope this interview was able to shed some light on this situation. I’m sorry it had to end so abruptly. Next time, the OC times is hoping for a panel discussion with the Ultimate Warrior, the Iron Sheik and the Great Kahli on these issues.
***The above, for those still too stupid to get the idea, was a parody***
Labels: Interviews, Old Country Corner, Parody
posted by Casey Trowbridge at 7/04/2007 04:05:00 PM
2 Comments:
tremendous work, that was funny as hell~!
I also highly enjoyed this. Nice to come home after a "hard" day's work and laugh my butt off.
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