2006 - Summerslam Preview

Art did what will hense forth be known as the good preview, but that doesn't mean we're not going to fail to make you laugh with one of our own.


*WWE Championship match: The World's Greatest Husband Vs. John "Are you people saying boo or Boo-urns?" Cena
The stipulation is that the title can't be retained on a DQ. So Edge can't get himself DQ'd on purpose or he loses the belt. Now the cynic in me says, ah ha, but what if he wins by count out? The realist in me promptly threatens to beat the cynic should this finish actually take place.
Prediction: Cena, but only because he's on my fantasy team

*The lesser of 2 titles: Bat I got injured halfway through typing the name Vs. King Booker T. B. A transition champ?
I hope Booker's reign is longer than just from 1 PPV to the next. I hope the WWE realizes that there's not a lot of people for Batista to defend against if he wins right now. I fear that they do and just don't care.
Prediction: If they're smart, Booker, if they're Stupid, Batista

*D+40-30 = 20X Vs. The Father and Son who are Brothers and Cousins and Uncles and Nephews all in 1 Tag Team
I was going to say that Everyone thinks the McMahons will lose, but then Dave and Art picked the McMahons then we'd be lying if we said that everyone was picking DX and we don't even lie when we sleep that's how committed the Old Country Caretaker is to the truth~! But, we're also in agreement with Da Meltz and Tapout on this one. Mark that down cause we're usually not this agreeable.
Prediction: The McMahon (our family tree can best be called a crazy looking jungle gym)

*Randy "Crowd Killer" Orton Vs. The Largest Creative Control Clause in the World, Dude!
Ace Old Country Presses reporter Headlock Bolmes asked Hulk Hogan if he'd be doing the job to Orton in this match.

Brother, Brother, Brother, Brother, Brother, Largest arms, brother, brother, brother, brother, dude, man, tell you Brother, brother, mean Gene's brother, dude, 24 inch brotherthons, brother, brother, runs brother, brother, on brother?

I think from that the answer is clear.
Prediction: Hulk "at least Karl Stern will be cheering for me," Hogan

*The Man of 6-1-9 jobs on TV Vs. Chavo "this angle disgusts me but I can't publicly voice my displeasure with it" Guerrero
The Old Country Caretaker has made many jokes in his time, he has even made some of them funny. There is nothing even remotely funny or redeamable about this feud. The only good thing is that eventually the feud will end. The bad news is that even when it ends, the Eddie thing will continue, because Vince McMahon didn't get to have an insest angle with his daughter and now he's taking it out on Eddie Guerrero's family and the rest of the world. I hate this company so bad some time. Remember how I said TNA was written by a million drunk or high monkeys on a million broken typewriters for how stupid they were for not booking Joe/Jarrett at Bound for Glory? Well, at least TNA isn't doing this angle. It may be boring, but TNA isn't making me feel embarrassed to be a member of the same species as Vince McMahon.
Prediction: Chavo

*Ric "How dare you write those things about me in your book?" Flair Vs. Mick "I wrote that chapter right after the hell in the cell match with Undertaker" Foley
This should be fun and I mean that in all seriousness. The promos have been good, despite the fact that certain WWE writers don't understand history and what makes a good promo. My gut says that Ric Flair wins. My gut also says its time to eat.
Prediction: Flair

*ECW Championship: The Albino Dalmation Vs. The Big Show that Main Event's the small show
I don't expect the title to come off Big Show for quite some time. I don't expect this match to be any good even though I like Sabu and Big Show has been a new man since going to Tuesday Night Raw Down.
Prediction: Big Show

There you have it, this is the third biggest WWE show of the year. This is going to be another show that is outdrawn by UFC in the U.S., just you wait and see. This company had just better thank God every day for International Business that's all I've got to say.

A lot of boring stuff, plus Flair and Foley. Leave it to the E to put together a card with a lot of marketable matchups and then ruin all but one of them. Now that takes skill~!