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Monday, January 29, 2007

Old Country Corner: This Date in Old Country History

As it is the birthdate of the Old Country Nomad I thought it might be fun to take a look back in the Old Country Archives to see what went down on this date in Old Country History.

On this Date in 942, The Drunken Scotsman Dreuan MacTaylor became a noteworthy figure in history when he invented the suplex. Where would people be had the suplex not been invented?

On this Date In 1235: Nomadic Settlers first entered the Old Country from their prior location which was either next to Indiana or somewhere near Ireland or possibly both.

On this date in 1344: Chen Chi won the Old Country Martial Arts title via kicking everyone else in the face.

On this date in 1453: Journalist Flic Lilgespie was tried and convicted for the crime of complaining too much. His sentence was commuted to life in prison after his original punishment of being kicked in the balls for 10 straight hours had to be abandoned due to nobody being able to find his balls or a microscope to aid in the process.

On this Date in 1634, the old Country’s town crier Rex Mopper was born. It is believed his first words were “Old Country Events Center”.

On this Date in 1715 Triple H Hard Gay lost the Old Country Super-funk heavyweight thrusting Championship to Hard Gay, Hard Gay at the 69 second mark of the third round. The bout was to lead to bitter feelings between the 2 as after the match was over Triple H, HG went to the Press of the Old Country times and declared that HG, HG was using the illegal drug HGH, HG and that is why he won. So to recap, Triple H, HG accused HG, HG of using HGH, HG understand?

On this Date in 1751 Stars from the rebel promotion Big Dick Pro Wrestling went in to battle against the Old Country Parthanon and were soundly defeated.

On this date in 1793 Johnson Tilva encountered Mick Biaz on the street, told him he punched like a faggot and then punched him in the face killing him. The case went to trial and Tilva was found not guilty as the jury unanimously agreed that Biaz did in fact punch like a faggot.

On this date in 1803, Prince Prusso was given the book of Old Country Nonstop Talking but before he could do anything with the promotion he was stabbed in the face 25 times by an unidentified attacker.

On this Date in 1822, Groggy Promotions held their signature event GrogyMania 1822 in the Kenzington International Light Tube Dome. The main event saw the Team Giant Monster Faction battle Team Monster Giant to a no Contest. The combatants on Team Giant Monster were…Big Richard III, Long Dong Dong, Thick Schlong-Singh, and Hard Dick, Hard Gay. Comprising team Monster Giant were Puce EEE, riall E. Vett, Birtha Channel, and Van Pyke, Wet Lez.

On this date in 1899 British John was greated with a new chant when he walked to the ring for his match against Bad Angle at Old Country Against All Reason. The crowd saw British John and started to chant “John’s gonna eat ya”, as the British star had apparently put on a lot of weight since his match against Angle at No Resolution.

On This Date in an indeterminant year: Bruiser the Dick made his Old Country in-ring debut against M.I. Azzvarpounded a German star at the tail end of his career.

On this Date in 1986 at an Old Country House Show fans were treated to the first Old Country Humbling in over 80 years when WWF’s Iron Sheik wrestled B. Brian Blair in a singles match.

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Blogger Old Country Nomad said...

Thank youi so much for writing one of the funniest articles ever just for me!

1/29/2007 7:47 AM  
Blogger Ric Gillespie said...

For some reason, 1344 is my favorite year in Old-Country history.

1/29/2007 9:38 AM  

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